It’s the 2nd day of June and it’s been 31 days since I posted here and I want to say a very happy new month to you all. It’s not by power that we made it into the sixth month of the year which is a pointer that we have lived half of the year 2017. I pray that this new month shall be all that we wish and more and may God preserve our life to witness the remaining half, live it and many other years. So, some of you are probably wondering what’s up with the heading. . . Well, I’m sure this post is going to be the longest post I’ve ever written in the history of blogposts.
First of all, I want to say a very big thank you to everyone who had shown commitment to my blog and my writings ever since I started my own blog in 2015. I could categorically say that 2015 was the same year I became pregnant with purpose. I could remember replying Debs of Debwritesblog on one of my posts on IG that I was going to properly reply her comment about posts on finding purpose etc. Well, let me officially say that I didn’t see this decision/step happening this soon or this month but I knew it was gonna happen at one time or the other. Also, making this decision has been one of the most challenging things I’ve ever had to do in my life not because I would have to let go of this platform for a while but because of everything that was gonna happen after making this decision. I had to struggle with a lot of things that surrounded what ifs and probabilities but at the end, I realized it was no longer up to me – it wasn’t about what is lawful and convenient unto me but what is needful.
If anyone had asked me 14 years ago what I wanted to be in the future, all I would have said nonstop was that I wanted to become a Broadcaster. I love Broadcasting back then; I still do. Those days, I used to watch Seun Olagunju a lot on AIT. She made me fall in love with Broadcasting that nothing mattered. I also remembered that I started writing short stories since I was in Primary Four. It was just something that naturally comes to me and then while my academic life continued to grow, I found myself in the Sciences. I could remember my Physics teacher had reported me like twice to my Mum especially about how he had caught me reading novels in his classes and along the line, I experienced a shift in my life that changed everything – nowhere in my life has it occurred to me that I would be a Writer and every other thing added.
The places I have been and the experiences I have had over the span of 9 years I never saw nor predicted not even in my subconscious while I was having my dreams at the age I had them. Noteworthy is the fact that I could confidently say that from year 2011 to this moment, I have moved from one place of pain to another; one hurt to another, tears, mistakes, messes, anger, unforgiveness, depression; I’ve failed, I’ve witnessed delay, I’ve lost someone, I’ve forcefully bid certain friendships bye, I’ve doubted intentions, I’ve trusted none, I’ve been taking advantage of, I’ve been messed up over and over even while in messes, I’ve opened up and closed up – I’ve regretted, I’ve condemned myself, healing wounds had gotten infections; sometimes the scars from healed wounds scratches so bad that it bleeds back again, I’ve been tested and I’ve failed. I’ve helped and I’ve gotten none in return. I’ve been offended and I’ve been made to look like the offender, I’ve had to be comfortable with apologies I never got – I’ve played Doctor and Healer over my own life and at the end of the day, I’ve learnt to love myself, let certain things go, believe in God and His plans; like it wasn’t such a palatable processing but they were years of growth! . . . Basically, I felt everything that there could be in life to be felt and that’s not an exaggeration.
Over the past three months approximately, I had been through some ugliness that only two people knew about. I had totally gone from that person who had it altogether to almost falling apart again and in that incident, I was revealed unto so much about me – I was undeniably strong but there was something about me which had never occurred to me in that perspective but God pulled me back together and in 2015, I had felt in my spirit that God was preparing me to do something and when it dawned on me what it was after I had released Creeping Voices in November that same year, I struggled to do it. I knew it wasn’t time for me to do it, a part of me felt like I wasn’t ready but at the same time, I knew I was still gonna choke and get baked even when it’s time. And one of the things I struggled with the most was reception and giving up my art for Ministry.
While I was struggling with that knowing, I went on a long break that had coincidentally collided with my service year. I wasn’t having a writer’s block but I was having difficulty putting my writings into words. When that phase passed, I realized God is the Author of Creativity – he created heaven and earth in 6 days and the Bible said, everything He created was good not because the Bible attested to it that it was good but because the Bible said ‘and God saw that it was good!’. . . If God needed me to quit being a Creative Writer, He would tell me and yes, you can do career and do purpose!
Not so long after, I resumed writing. I took opportunities that were for me to take and along the line, I opened an instagram page @thebecomingwoman which I totally distanced myself from because I didn’t want anyone to know it was me. I wanted to do the Lord’s work but I wasn’t ready to own the story because I was scared of reception. I didn’t want to be judged, I didn’t think I could do it. Not so long after I realized that my Facebook friends were following that page, I choked. I was so scared that some people had known I was the one. So, I DMd Funmi and I was like ‘I’m scared’ and she was like ‘Enjoy it babe!’ and I didn’t get it still you know and during those times, I was chatting with a young woman of God who I couldn’t come clean with about my identity and in mind I was wishing I could so bad but I just couldn’t and I felt like how would she feel when she discovers that ‘Ibukunwrites’ is also ‘The Becoming Woman’?
At the end of the day, this is me, Ebukun Gbemisola Ogunyemi! The road to being Ibukunwrites was not planned. It isn’t a road I’ve walked before but the road had been walked by many before me. I have settled for safe for too long that sleeping, waking and knowing that I’m not purposeful gives me palpitations. So when I’m asked that what do I mean by finding purpose/doing purpose, I simply say, finding/doing purpose is not wasting the processes God had taken and seen you through by settling for safe; settling for safe to me particularly means – choosing to hold on to the mess ‘stylishly’ even though God had seen you through it by keeping the message to yourself.
What’s the essence of this epistle you might say?
1. I won’t be here until further notice. I don’t know how long – 6 months? 1 year? I can’t say but what I know is, I’d be back but definitely not the same way I left.
2. I’m working on book(s) release. Presently, I’m working on one which is like a prelude to the book that tells all of my truth without holding anything back. Also, I don’t know when these books will be out but I know it will be out in its own time. I’m not taking a break from here because I want to work on my books but because that’s what God would have me do. It should have happened a long time ago but now it is happening.
3. To all ardent followers of my series, you can catch up with new episodes on moskedapages as from next week Friday.
4. Also, you guys should watch out for my articles on Oyamag as from Monday and also on platforms like African Freelancers and The Odyssey.
There won’t be new articles on this platform anytime soon but I promise to get in touch as soon as I’m back and yea, I will be as active as I can afford to be on my social media pages.
Once again, thank you all for journeying with me this far and I hope you find a blessing in my comeback❤.
You can follow me on @ibukunwrites on twitter and @IG. And also you can follow
@thebecomingwoman too on IG – even though I could foresee a change of name and handle in my spirit!
Have a blissful June. . .❤ and yea, you can leave your comments, I’ll respond to them and to all my Blogging friends, don’t stop blogging, I’m sure I’d follow up more than ever and leave comments very often.
Kisses and love??
I know all about how your life could go not as planned; how it feels to come to terms with the fact that you might have lost control over your own life and at the end of the day, you go back to that one place you gave the middle finger – GOD. ~ Ibukunwrites.