First, I’m deeply sorry this episode came late! I woke up Wednesday morning to discover I couldn’t unlock my own phone. . . ? I did aeons of troubleshooting before I discovered it was truly beyond me! Just got it today and I must say it was one hell of experience. . .and I had a package to track but thank God, the koko iz I’m back!?
Now shall we. . .
N A S T Y EATERS!
I think that’s the peak of my pet peeve when it comes to public transporting! Standing them (naija English) is the truest test of my tolerance ‘cause mehn! some people can eat like there’s no tomorrow! You know the only time I eat like nasty eating is whenever I was depressed – I would just be indoor, probably be listening to one song play fifteen times and then I’d move from chinchin to rice to spag to coffee to tea to cornflakes and then I’d get to a point where I’d become worn out with the food for the day and probably continue the next day in that same state but that’s how some people eat inside public car! Like I can’t – there’s just a limit to everything.
The highest I go whenever I’m travelling is a bottle of coke/pepsi and maybe two galas and that’s all till I get to wherever I’m going because it’s always a long distance journey and Nigerian drivers don’t have patience when it comes to stopping for passengers to pee and for others who like to shotput during the journey! Come to think of it, I’ve never had to shit during any of my travels except for my first time to Kebbi when I was going to Dakingari for NYSC Camp and my lactose intolerance plus period kicked off and got me purging the hell outta my system; apart from that, girl’s got topnotch control of her bowels! Sometimes I can hold a urine till I get to where I’m going but medically they say is wrong to hold urine but if you have traveled long journey like me, you’ll know you’ve got to control your bowels and I don’t think a few instances of not urinating when it’s hot can kill my bowel (all things work for my good?) Anyways, whenever I’m travelling, I normally do not eat unless I’m halfway into the journey so I buy gala to be on safer side – I don’t join the gang of people that eat amala and co at Mokwa because mehn I no know how they take cook am before my tummy will go on shit rampage and I try not to drink so much water because of constant urination – so whenever the driver stops, I seize the opportunity to force urine outta my bowels ‘cause the journey would get to a point and the driver won’t stop unless he gets to the final destination except when a passenger is dropping off along the way.
So when I was travelling to Abuja from Kebbi. . .
It was a Sienna like usual, there was a guy at the front, four guys in the middle seat and a woman, her daughter, a small boy and me at the back. The woman was like in her forties and the daughter probably in her early twenties with the boy like 6/7. The moment we left Kebbi like 7am and we haven’t moved 30 minutes, they brought out this cooler that has noodles and fried egg and they started eating; the woman will scoop some, pass it to the girl and the girl in turn feeds the small boy with little – it got to a point where she had to use the cover of the food flask to dish the boy’s except that he hasn’t master the use of his hands very well and I was sitting by the right and the boy was in the middle of myself and the girl, so I was trying my best to make sure they don’t make a mess outta me with the boy’s eating; before you know it, the floor of the car already had eggs and noodles flying over. As that was over, the woman brought out happy hour which the three of them drank and I was like haha! because it’s just somehow to me when I see people eating inside public cars especially when it involves ladies and not-so-old women; it’s just like a turn off for me personally. As soon as we entered Gusau, the driver paused; the young lady bought two bottles of coke and a roll of biscuit, they were dealing with that one and I was just minding my unengaged hands and mouth! The moment we entered Katsina, they decided to buy boiled eggs this time! Omo, there is nothing I hate more than the smell of boiled eggs inside a public car, as dem dey peel am na so dem dey try throway am through the window but you know how stubborn those throwing can be, some no gree leave, they found their way back in and they’d be like sister sorry ehn! I was just confessing tolerance for myself cos mehn, at a point the little boy slept and his shoes were all over my cloth so I just decided to be very tolerating cos his head was on the woman’s head, his body on the girl and his legs on mine. Sometimes, the girl would see it and try to adjust but there’s never a real adjustment cos shey dem wan put him leg for bag ni?
When we entered Zaria and driver decided to drive into a filling station, the woman called for the eyin-awo sellers this time (guinea-fowl egg). . . at that point, omo, I humbled myself and I knew this was here to stay till I entered Abuja and the most annoying part was that the woman was a caller! (all those people that used to make calls like say dem be mobile call centre. . . as she dey drop one call, na im she dey enter another. . . if she no call somebody, somebody go call her and she was not speaking English, she was speaking a language I can’t place in the three major tribes and known minor tribes) at a point I wished I could just tell the woman to take it easy on the call. . . because if I’m to count, she made like 16 calls if not more than before we got to Abuja. Some other passengers were just turning their heads, they’d look back and just keep quiet ‘cause mehn, it’s a very frustrating something.
Fortunately for me, I was at the verge of thanking God that the journey was almost over when we entered Abuja (not main Abuja like that part of Kaduna very close to Abuja), the driver stopped for himself and other muslim passengers to pray and when they finished, the journey continued and this woman sprayed perfume inside a public car, as in she just dey press the thing like say she flit mosquitoes – even Debs no dey spray cockroach like that. . . it was all these perfume we used to spray when we were in 100 level university days (I wish I could remember some – all those long bottles that smells like it doesn’t matter; at least, o nja fikanfikan). In my mind I was like what if there was someone in the car that was asthmatic, some things just require common sense – like spraying perfume inside car! Like wawu!
When we got to under the bridge after we’ve passed Zuma rock side, they came down. I was silently thanking Jah Jehovah mimo, it was then I realized, they weren’t going to Abuja, they were going to somewhere I can’t remember because the driver had to hand them over to another car that was going to another town in another state and that was how I gallantly did self-con at the back seat of the car with two guys in the middle and a guy in the front plus the driver. . . before I forget, one of those guys in the middle car was toasting me – hmmm! I hate public transport toasters. . . I know Debs will remember the story lol.
Anyways, you’ll get that gist wella in the next episode which is gonna be the last episode and in that episode I’ll be talking about bus toasters and sleepers! I just hope you guys enjoyed this travel series and if you do, I’d wanna know which episode was your favourite next week!
Have you had an experience with eating passengers? If yes, do share them in the comment section, would love to read them or if you have a public transport experience you’d love to share, you can send it to my email and I’ll do well to post it on the blog!
Whenever you’re travelling, just like glo, eat with pride and prude!
NB: I’ll be bringing you another review on Saturday! This time, it’s a movie – so I’m rotating it, first week, we’d have a book, second week, a movie and third week, a song and fourth week, any of those three! So if you are a writer/poet and you have a book no one really knows so much about or you want to give it more publicity, you can forward the book to me, I’d read, review and share on my social media platforms. If it’s on okadabooks, you can decide to recharge my account and I’d buy, download, read and review without any bias!?
~ ©2017. Ibukunwrites.