SLEEPERS AND TOASTERS
It is with great joy and a heightened level of nostalgia that I bring the last episode of My Public Transport Diaries. I’m joyful because I accomplished what I set to do and nostalgic because I am forced to say goodbye with this episode but I am glad that y’all loved it.
If you miss the first three episodes, this is where you should start from Episode 1
So, Sleepers. . .
Do I sleep when I travel in a Public Transport System? Sometimes I do! Since I started traveling from the West down to the North, I sleep. . . having my butts fixated in one spot for almost 24 hours, girl, my eyes need to shut it a little but I don’t sleep like a madman ‘cause some people are terrible sleepers. . . for some, it takes just a little breeze to blow into their nostrils and they are gone! That one is not even painful, it’s those people that used to move their head right left and centre like pendulum inside a clock. If the car enters a pothole, their heads swing according to the rhythm and you’ll be there, trying to save your shoulders from being assaulted. And there are these types that conveniently find a pillow on your shoulders; like how can you not know you’re resting on someone????? Like oorun ma baje o! I remember this experience of this guy or man that was sleeping and his head was like on my body, sometimes I’d jerk up and politely elbow this head back to where it should be and sometimes it would become so annoying that I would start asking myself, why am I being polite sef? Cos I don’t know how you can sleep in a car/bus without being conscious of the environment. Some people even snore!!!! As in the radarada that comes with Public Transportation is more than its perks. . . is there even a perk?
What I do is whenever I’m going to the North, I sit at the back close to the door side so I get to rest my head around the side dashboard (if you’ve travelled with Mitsubishi and Sienna you’ll understand), by so doing, I don’t get to sleep like a loser and you know what I realized, the problem is not the Public Transport, the problem is the passengers. . . some people don’t have good sleep etiquettes and some just like sleep because I don’t understand why you’d have to sleep from Iwo Road to Ife and you’ll now be telling the driver, driver e jo ti e ba ti de campus gate, e so fun mi o (driver, please tell me when you get to campus gate) like were you bitten by tsetse fly or conductor will now be waking you up, Aunty, a ti de last bus stop o! Whereas, dem don already pass your bus stop!
Personally for me, it can be highly traumatic having to spend an ample time of the journey adjusting a fellow passenger’s head off your shoulder! It’s wickedness na haba!
. . .
One thing I think causes familiarity between passengers is exchange of conversations – people can take advantage of every little opening to create room for something else. Take for instance, the morning I was going back to Kebbi from Jabi Park, there was this woman with a little fine girl Debs was making a little conversation with (we met her in the car) but I wasn’t really putting mouth and then she said, she wanted to pee, so I was like let me pee too (I wasn’t feeling like I needed to pee but because I knew from Abuja to Kebbi was 10 hours, I was hoping I’d be able to force something outta my bowels). So we were walking together and we didn’t know where the bathroom was so I saw this woman selling soft drinks and I could see she was Yoruba, so I spoke with her and she described the bathroom and then this other woman was like how did I know she is one of my people and I was like we get as we dey look, so we peed. I helped her hold the bathroom door and she helped with mine too. We got back in the car and when the car finally filled up and we moved, do you know that this woman passed her bag to me from the middle that she was sitting to the back where I was because she needed to lap her child. Now, I wasn’t offended. . . it was something I could help with or something I was planning to help with but the minute she passed it to me as a form of right felt somehow. I didn’t say anything but I realized the little exchange we had made her feel so comfortable that she thought we were now some kinda sienna besties and I needed to hold her bag. She’d turn to the back and tell me, help me pass the food and spoon inside that bag, help me pass water, help me pass my phone. . . but I just ignored it anyway (after all it’s just bag!) So sometimes, I don’t blame people who don’t talk or try to be friendly in Public Transport.
T O A S T E R S
If there is anything I don’t understand, it is the mentality of guys trying to woo a lady they only met inside a public transport. Like to what end?
So, there was this brother when I was going to Abuja. First I met him at the park, he was travelling too and I had wanted to follow another car because the driver told me they won’t pass through where Debs had told me and I was like Debs said otherwise and Google map said otherwise too so the guy was like I should not worry, that he was going towards that side too that sometimes the road taken by drivers could mess things up, so I said okay and I kept telling him to let me know where to stop and all.
So when we entered Kaduna, the driver stopped for Muslims to pray and I got down too to pee and while I was coming back, I saw a woman roasting corn and I was like should I or should I not buy. . . so when I made up my mind, I came back and I met the guy too and the first thing he said was, do I care for too? I said yes, that I had battled with to buy or not to buy and then I decided to (still trying to be polite), so I picked my corn and he offered to pay (well, I’ve sowed seed in some men’s life too, so he should pay for the corn since he offered. . . iz just one!) before I knew it, brother has started asking questions because of N50 corn o and one Pepsi that he paid for! ha. . . shior! So he was like he used to be a corper and then he got a job in Kebbi, in Argungu, bla bla bla. . . have I been to Argungu before? One of these days when I come back, he’d call me and take me to Argungu (in my mind, I was like wehdone Sir). . . asked for my number, I gave him . . . said he was Emmanuel! He kept telling me Jabi was the last bus stop and then we can enter cab to where I was going; so driver dropped us last two at Jabi park and then dude that was forming as if he sabi Abuja, does not even know cos he had to ask somebody how we could get to where I was going (in my mind, I was laughing). So we sha entered cab going to Berger and dude paid. So from Berger now, we were supposed to enter cab to where I was going which he happened to claim was his direction too; so e be like say money don finish na, he now asked me if I had N100 that he does not have change (I was like for your mind now ehn, you dey form say you dey alright! O ti wa wa alright bayi!) I sha paid my tfare o cause I don’t understand why you’d want to impress a girl you met in a Public Transport. He started telling me he was in Abuja for a presentation and he was hoping I could follow him (omo! E be like say someone just spat rubbish) – like you met me in the car, paid for my corn, my pepsi and paid for my fare to Berger and so. . . I pretended as if I didn’t hear na. So I dropped and then he dropped too and he was like I thought you were going to follow me to my place (omo! Na so I switch to Mo in When Love Happens when that wowo guy from social media came for date) – I say dude, e be like say you don dey overheat with this suit wey you wear so, na so your sisters dey follow men go their house from inside public vehicle? He didn’t even say a word, so I just called Debs say, I don dey where I suppose dey o. . . when I got home, I gave her the gist only for brother to send me message in the evening asking if I could be his plus one to his presentation? Like somebody somewhere is doing brother!
I totally forgot about him until three weeks after I had returned to Kebbi and he called me asking if I was back, boy, I blocked his ass. . . like how can!!!!!!!!
Ever had an experience with a sleeper/toaster? I want to hear it!?
On this note, I’m closing the curtain on the Public Transport Diaries! I hope you had fun?. . . see y’all in October for another exciting series
Hugs and Kisses???
~ ©Ibukunwrites. 2017!