I cannot for the life of me understand how we got to this place where being female is so difficult💁.
For an African woman, being female is never a walk in the park. It’s like a humanized version of shame that you not only have to be for the rest of your life but also rock silently. But then, what is shameful about being a woman? What exactly is? Cos for me, it is difficult to figure out why being born with a vagina should bring so much discomfort, inconvenience, drama, restrictions and pain.
Sometimes, I’m forced to lash out to people and say, it’s like you’re not getting it, the way you make my femininity feel like something I needed to shrink all the time because of a man. You know what, it’s like you don’t know it’s because of a man abi? I can be female but not too female ‘cos it can send the wrong signal to a man – it can make me vulnerable. I can play but not play too hard ‘cos I’m nothing like a man, I’m weak, quite fragile and not strong enough. I can wear anything I want but not without a tight cos you know, you’re a woman, you should understand these things! Your pant lines shouldn’t be showing. . . blah blah blah craps! All these bullshits strung into sentences 😔.
Every time I think about the concept of wearing tights, it’s so hard for me not to see sexual assault somewhere in the motivation box. A lot of times I’ve heard people say it’s easier getting raped in skirts than trousers. If you don’t wear trousers, at least always wear a tight below your cloth cos if you ever find yourself in an ugly situation like rape, wearing a tight could give you a survival edge and that’s why it’s so easy for some blockheads to ask what are you wearing? Skirts or trousers? Trousers? Are you sure? But it’s not easy to pull a trouser down and all. . . I’m just tired.
I’m tired of this society trying to adapt to masculinity; I’m tired of all these coping mechanisms drawn on the board all the time cos each time we come up with coping methods or make ourselves somehow fit into the patriarchal society, we say I’m sorry girls, you just have to deal with it, we really can’t fight these things.
What does it matter what I wear? Why should I make myself wear a thing I do not like because that seemed to be the only way I can protect myself? Or better put, cos that’s how I must survive in this society. Sometimes, it just feels like each time we encourage women to shrink themselves all because of a man, we enable masculinity and patriarchy the more!
I hate tights! Whatever color they may exist! But I have to like it cos a woman must and should love tights. Please, says who? Do you know how liberating it felt discovering that it’s pretty easy not to give two shits about all these rules? That it’s pretty easy to ditch the pants and the tights if you want?
Well, yea! I discovered it last year and as much as I loved it, I couldn’t pull it off as much as I’d have wanted. Menstruation, being a number one factor – I’m not the kind of lady who likes to insert pads/cottons/cups into my vagina! The thought of it alone traumatizes my brain (plenty kudos to ladies who do it easy-peasy).Sometimes, it just feels like each time we encourage women to shrink themselves all because of a man, we enable masculinity and patriarchy the more! Click To Tweet
Just imagine how some women wear pants, then wear tight, then wear trousers! Like is it supposed to be this hard? I think it’s a lot of drama for the vagina itself. . .🙅 (anyway, today’s post isn’t really about all these aforementioned talks but they are necessary preambles)
So, let’s talk about pants and their need to breathe.
A lot of school of thoughts has been created when it comes to pants and spreading them. Some people belong to the school of thoughts that says the pants need as much sun as they can get. Some say, it’s not bad to spread your pants inside so far you can use a hot iron on them later. Well, growing up, I realized how shameful the sights of pants are! Like nobody wants to see your pants spread on the line outside of the house; more like, if you must spread your pants on the line at all, take them to the back of the house and spread them and for those of us whose mums still owns all these iron cloth spreaders called dryers, the pants take the down pant of the dryer; more like they don’t deserve to sit at the top.
Then I discovered that for a very longtime and unconsciously, I grew up with that shame mentality about my pants that whenever I had to spread my pants outside, I always ended up putting a cloth on it, something to hide the pant because I believe no one wants to see pant(s) staring into their faces and I also think same goes for the bra too.
Then recently, something happened to me, I snapped. First, I had grown into this space where I confidently spread my pants without coverings at the kitchenette of my room so it can air dry plus I’m not the indoor pant spreader person; I like my pants to take some fresh air😉. So, fortunately for me, each time I do that, my pants are always dry enough that I don’t have to take them in and spread them again. Then, I noticed each time a guy or guys are coming into the room to see any of my two roommates, they be like hold on o! and they quickly remove the pants and shove it into their wardrobe and I’d just keep laughing.
So, one day, I found myself in the situation. My pant was hanging somewhere in my corner and my roommate had called on me to remove it because this guy was coming in and I just removed it you know. This guy came in, collected what he came to collect and then he left and then she gave the cue to put the pants right back. Then I started asking myself, eskiss ma, what’s up with removing pants just because a guy is coming into the room? As in, I’m nuh understanding.Pants are adorable. They are beautiful and nothing to be shameful about. Click To Tweet
While I was still trying to gather my thoughts together and my pants was back in its place, another guy knocks again and I’m like hell no! I’m not removing my pants for any guy! I mean what’s so shameful about pants – come to think about it, these men can’t even count how many pants they’ve touched, yanked off and tore in their lifetime. Please, let my pants breathe! It’s not moving an inch.
Hahahahaha! Apparently, I lost it! They just kept looking at me like what kind of girl is this? with an okay sigh.
But even at that, my roommates still continued removing their pants every time a guy comes around – like the pants go through a hide and seek game and no, they don’t dare ask me to remove mine and no, they don’t dare remove it for me either in my absence.
Please, let the pants breathe! Don’t tell me hiding it is the right thing to do cos I know sometimes the right thing to do is how we pretend we’re not ashamed of a particular thing.
I wear pants and I’ll spread them with pride. Men wear pants too and if the sight of mine makes you uncomfortable, you might want to take a break from my room or deal with it if you must come!Do you feel shameful about spreading your pants? Do you take it down when guys are coming over? Do you run to cover it with another piece of clothing? Okay girl, don't do that to those beauty! You should read this! Click To Tweet
And that’s it for today guys! Till I come your way again. . . 😘 Also, remember to subscribe! Thank you.
Have you ever had to hide your pants because a guy is coming around? Can you relate? Do you still wear pants or you’re sorta finding them unfashionable again? How do you dry your pants? Overall, what’s your take on this issue? I really want to read from you. Please leave a comment for me in the box below! ❤️
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