LIFE BITS

Love and Ratio: A Question of More or Less?

love and ratio

Hi guys, it feels so good to finally publish again since my return post. So speaking on love, last week, I read a post/reaction on DANG about;

  • how relationships work better when the boy likes the girl more,
  • how love can never be equal as one person always loves more than the other and how deep love makes one fill in the gap when the other shrinks…
love and vulnerability

Thinking Back in Time

Truthfully, the conversation left me thinking about a lot of things, most especially past relationships and how they’ve played a role in how I’ve seen and not see myself over the years.

First of all, this article is not to query or rubbish the post/reaction, it is to engage it from my own point of view.

I remember a time in University, a friend (who is now married with a kid) once told me to never marry a man who doesn’t love me more than I love him.

Of a fact, I understood where she was coming from and at the end of the day, I’ve always been glad about how that mantra worked well for her.

But one thing I never really accepted was the idea that I had to be with someone only if they love me more than I love them.

All of my life, I’ve always craved simplicity. That things be so simple they don’t have to become so unnecessarily complicated. But sadly, life and relationships have always been complex and complicated.

love and balance
When a partner can tell that he or she loves more, I do not think it's healthy. How do you measure love? How do you gauge? Click To Tweet

Is Love Unequal?

One thing I have realised over the years is that the belief that love is never equal and one person always loves more than the other has been one of the reasons I’ve made excuses for abusive relationships enough to stay a long time before accepting it for what it was and finally getting out.

I’ll be like he’ll change, give it time Ibukun, be patient, relationships are complicated, maybe that’s the way he loves, people do change over time; I’ll even tell myself that I’m not self-sufficient enough and I should learn to be on my own. Ibukun, take what you’re given, don’t ask for too much, be his peace, and endless shits of blah blah blah…

Here is what I think, maybe it’s true that one person always loves more than the other in a relationship but love is always equal! Always equal not because we can measure it, but because we are fully convinced that the energy matches!

love and goofy

Filling the Gap

When it becomes obvious that one person loves more than the other person, I don’t think it’s normal, I think it’s abuse. I think there is a noticeable gap and someone is trying so hard to fill while trying to be there for the partner whose love has shrunk.

When a partner can tell that he or she loves more, I do not think it’s healthy. How do you measure love? How do you gauge?

This is what I think – praying/hoping that your partner loves you more than you love him/her is an unwholesome sense of security; that you hope he/she has more to lose than you’ll ever; that they’ll love you so much and be so afraid to lose you because truthfully you love them but you ain’t that crazy about them the way he/she is crazy about you.

love and wholeness
This is what I think – praying/hoping that your partner loves you more than you love him/her is an unwholesome sense of security. Click To Tweet

My Thoughts

Although I have had horrible experiences in relationships and have also considered applying the let him love you more than you do strategy in my next relationship, I realised that’s not what I truly desire.

Right now, I am at that stage where the marriage pressure is high and the conversations, unending, but truthfully if you ask me, right now, I am more carefree about it when people expect me to actually be ridiculously worried.

I learnt a lot from my last relationship and I know better than to allow any man make me feel like marrying him is a once-in-a-lifetime favour; cos boy, you go on, I’ll surely mourn the time I gave to you but I’m gonna be okay.

love holding hands

Love: On Marriage and What I Want

Two weeks ago, someone came to my home and told me “out of love” that I am incomplete until I marry. I sadly remember telling the person outrightly that I am not – I wish I didn’t and I had just nod my head cos at the end of the day, mo realise pe o wa pointless.

I do not want to be with a man who loves me more than I love him, I want to be with someone whose energy matches mine on some spiritual level shit! Click To Tweet

Here is my point, I am at this space in my life where I’m not seeking marriage in my thoughts. I’m not planning towards it. I’m looking forward to experiencing the beauty of friendship with a man, not a relationship where I’m demeaned or reminded that the way I handle my “duties” as a girlfriend will never be enough and in fact, I’m not marriageable.

goofy

In Conclusion,

If you ask me, I like to get lost in things that beautify my soul and not constantly wonder if how I express my love as an empath to my partner is being abused or being taken advantage of. I want marriage to happen to me like a sweet dream I wouldn’t mind to have on repeat.

As a hopeless romantic who can never be retired by heartbreak or hurtful experiences of the past, I do not want to be with a man who loves me more than I love him, I want to be with someone whose energy matches mine on some spiritual level shit!

I want someone who loves me as much as I love him. Someone who will go hard for me as much as I will for him. I want someone who is truly my friend because if the ride becomes stormy, I want to hold on to the friendship. I want a relationship that’s a safe space where honour and respect is mutually given.

Finally, as a goofy ass mf, best believe I want someone who fingers my crazy. Like, I don’t have relationship models but for mental picture sake, what I mean is, I want an AG Baby to my Simi, a John Legend to my Chrissy, a Dwayne Wade to my Gabrielle…So o get?😉

Till I come your way again guys, please share your take with me in the comment section.

Love, light and joy,

Ibukunwrites.

Kindly leave your comments below