Category Archives: ART & LIFESTYLE

Happy Int'l Women's Day


Happy New Month readers! I didn’t think this would be my first post for the month after a long while but a part of me just can’t resist posting this.
It’s International Women’s Day and in a society where women are daily rising from and conquering stereotypes, injustice, gender inequality, chauvinism, abuse, misogyny and more, I’ve decided to write these pieces to celebrate the woman.
the God in me
the God in me
is black
fierce
defiant
unbroken
the God in me
is female
she’s the soul
on whose grace
my body survives
the God in me
is woman
she’s loud
un-silenced
intimidating the ground
she walks on
with circles of black curls
all about
at each combing
the God in me
is a Phoenix;
out of the ashes
she’s rising
unhindered. . .
©Ìbùkúnwrites

you can be your own kind of woman. ~ Ìbùkúnwrites.


Still Phenomenal

“I wasn’t born to fulfill expectations. I wasn’t born to fit a stereotype. I’m not your typical African woman. Maybe I was until I realized how comfortable the society expected me to be even though I’m trampled upon. How submissive I should be even if his hands hurt my body. How willing I am meant to be each time he desires my body and I don’t want to give it out. The society is quick to tell I’m exaggerating when I’m hurting. Even in my truth, I could be a liar without evidence. Sometimes the evidence written all over my body can be self-inflicted ’cause a woman is manipulative.
.
I am a generation questioning everything. Fighting my way through misogyny, chauvinism, subjugation and female injustice. I’m a soul living in an historic body that’s not visible to them ’cause it’s more emotional and psychological than it’s concrete.
.
I am a woman breaking my voice outta the silence box. I am fighting, conquering, winning, rising, figuring my own desires and being okay with them. I am learning to be okay with my own love – not searching, not chasing, not running after. I’m a woman in full realization that I don’t owe this society an explanation of how I’m being woman. I’m a woman totally aware that I determine what completeness means to me.
.
I’m a woman, a full manifest; whole and not half; unashamed and never to give in to shame; not repulsed by my past but shaped from it; not distracted by hate; don’t care for human validation. I am me – a survivor. I am wild, untamed, no longer hard on me. I am healing, rejoicing, hoping, self-comforting and shedding. I’m a woman – renegade, loud, evolving and no matter who I discovered at the end of this journey, I’m still phenomenal. .
.”
HAPPY INTERNATIONAL WOMEN’S DAY!!!! ?

I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life’s a bitch. You’ve got to go out and kick ass. —Maya Angelou

Art vs. Science

There’s incredible power in the arts to inspire and influence. ~Julie Taymor

It’s the 8th day of February; Happy New Month to y’all beloved readers. Wishing you colours and no gloominess in every part of your lives in this new month.
It is an open secret that the month of February is the declared month of love all thanks to Saint Valentine (I think I’d probably leave that topic till next week)
First, trust y’all have been doing really great and have been enjoying the blog so far ‘cause since my last post, my brain wouldn’t stop harassing me with contents and blog inspirations and I’m so excited that I had such a great incentive towards achieving consistency on this platform this year (praise God!)
A R G U M E N T

Yes, you read right! I am a passionate arguer . I mean argument makes my adrenaline pop like melanin???.
Okay, don’t get me wrong?. I’m not talking unintelligent and intellectually degrading arguments or lovers quarrels (that one is exhausting), I mean arguments that boost and resets IQ ? and the truth is, those kind of things always start out as a conversation until A disagrees and B don’t think A has a point and A is trying to make his/her point very valid.
Again, I am very unwinnable with arguments. You just cannot win!? It’s like I’m always prepared you know – I’ve always got something to say (I mean not just anything, something meaningful that weakens your point) truthfully, arguments can go sour at times and I can be really pissed that you can feel it in my voice cos it can come out very strong and those kind of moments are 1 in 10 but I had that one in 10 recently.

Wait, I’m not saying I’m one of those people who get angry when they probably ‘lose’ (I hardly lose); some arguments are just an expression of a myopic view and it can be annoying and some people just need to be schooled.
But as much as I love arguments, I know when to walk away from one! In fact I can claim wrong just so you can be right. It doesn’t have to be heated. Some people can become angry or that you’ll start wondering if you guys are fighting because you’re trying to discredit their point.

Two weeks ago, I was having a discussion with my dad about a popular Nigerian hiphop he has been enjoying lately and had put in a repeat mode and that song is ‘If’ by Davido. For me, I don’t do much hiphops but I’m not unaware of them.
My Dad loves music a lot but I just couldn’t understand the new found love for that song. So he asked me if the guy really had 30 billion (he was like does this guy really know what 30 billion is or he was just singing?)
Now the interesting part is, sometimes I engage in some arguments because I simply enjoy the art (having different opinions thrown around with each one trying to take prominence – there’s always something to laugh at! The out of proportion, the ridiculousness of someone’s opinions, etc).

So I told my Dad, Davido knows what he said; he definitely has the money (what was I thinking?? I don’t know Davido but I know he is not broke).
So my Dad was like okay o!
Flash forward to last week.
My Dad was listening to the song again and two men walked into our shop; they wanted to type some letters and do some printings and somehow, the 30 billion conversation came up and this man said Davido did not even know what 30 billion is, he was merely singing.
I didn’t talk.
Dad was like thank you o! these children are about to make me feel like I don’t know what I’m saying.
The man proceeded and said, Davido does not even know what 1 billion is.
Mehn! I was irritated. What’s my own àbí? Is Davido my Uncle? ?
You know, I was almost trying to reason with him with the mathematical breakdown of how many million makes 30 billion until he said dude doesn’t even know what a billion looks like.
I was giving it to the man straight and hot. Now, I wasn’t arguing about Davido’s 30 billion and 1 billion.
The man was like that’s a whole budget of a country/state
And I was like so you’re telling me that there are no artistes outside the country who has more than a state could own with their assets and investments total?
The other man was looking at me . . .
Then he said you seemed to be in the know a lot in these things!
The other man said she did Art!
Then he said oh! I see. Well then, did you know Davido’s friends died recently. . .
I was quick to tell him the name of the guy who died (I was trying to tell him, I may not be listening to all those songs but I know all those shii)
Then he relayed another version of the story says it was a bet of 200k that got the guy to overdose on 30 shots of whatever and those guys don’t have nothing.
Then I told him so a guy can’t want to have money he didn’t work for again! It’s a normal stuff to be in company of your guys and there’s a free money around and you be like guys, I’m up for it! Let’s do it!
From the conversation, I could tell it was no longer about Davido again.
I told him so it’s unrealistic that a musician who works his ass off in the studio making music, trying on beats, releasing hit tracks, being recognized internationally and having a sold out 30 billion concert can’t have 30 billion or even a billion?
He didn’t say anything.
Then I completed my sentence. I said if it were to be a Doctor or a Nurse who boasted of 30 billion, you aint gonna argue that cos he’s probably got United Nations and all paying him in dollars cos science is that lucrative and art cant just give that much. (yes, I was pissed).
That was the end of the conversation.
I no longer care if those guys have that much or not, I care how demeaning he thinks of Creatives.
The man left saying I should have studied Law cos I’d be one badass Annalise Keating (without the dirt I hope) well, I get that a lot!
Then I remembered something that happened to me during that week. It was on a Sunday and I had been in the Northern part of Nigeria for a long time and a lot of things had changed getting back home like we now have a new Pastor. So, my Dad introduced me to this man when he asked if I was one of my father’s children.
The conversation was like this
Pastor – So you’ve been in the North all these while?
Me – Yes Sir. Kebbi precisely.
Pastor – Oh! I know that place. We were in Jos before we got transferred here.
Me – Oh okay!
Pastor – So what did you study?
Me – English Sir.
Pastor – English? You want to become a Teacher too (my parents are teachers)
I wanted to tell him I didn’t do Education; just Art – so I don’t have to be a Teacher if I don’t want to be but I kept quiet.
Pastor – So what next?
Popc be like she wants to do her masters (Nigerian parents can make your eyes see nonsense)
Pastor – In what?
Me – Literature Sir.
Pastor – Ah! All those courses are not lucrative! The money is in sciences. Science is dignifying.
Jesus! I felt insulted (let me just stop the conversation there).
. . . See, overtime, Art has been one of the most insulted and spited field in Nigeria and overtime, we’ve witnessed quite a lot of acceptance and a number of growth and acknowledgement but it is still gross and sad that there is still a high number of Nigerians who still look at Art through the disgusted and poverty-ridden eye.
It is more like you have to be poverty-minded to want to end up in Art when you could study a science related course. It doesn’t matter what aspects of Art; all that matters is you just can’t be serious about choosing Art over Science.
Although with the advent of technology, social media, spike in Nigerian literature growth and recognition, visual arts/paintings, some parents no longer try to influence their children’s decision as it concerns their career choice. They can only advice not enforce or influence which is the usual average Nigerian way. My parents tried influencing mine but that’s a story for another day.
The point is, in Nigeria, a student with reasonable grades or excellence in Science related subjects is considered a good candidate for Science Department while the not-so-good ones are pushed to Art and the not-so-average ones are pushed into the commercials. So yea, it is believed that dull students are in the Arts Department but now, thinking about it, you gotta be smart to function in Art (you gotta be really smart, creative and sensitive to opportunities and your creative nudge to be Oprah, Ellen DeGeneres, Ellis Tracie Ross, Stevie Wonder, Prince, Keke, Queen Latifa, Chinua Achebe, Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, Jojo Moyes, etc.) but in Nigeria they tend to call the shots for you (at least back then – and still now sometimes), my parents tried doing it for me 7 years ago.
The school chooses career path for you by grades, convinces your parents or your parents convinces you (thankfully the school thinks their way) and they encourage you with the tempting financial benefits of Science – medicine, nursing, (those two especially), engineering, technology, etc.
An average Nigerian parent would say if A can do it, you can do it too! Science is not that hard! Science sells! A science graduate is never jobless. If you do nursing, medicine, international organizations will always be on the lookout for you! In fact, they’d be trying to steal you from one firm to the other plus extra spiritual nuances (prophecies and all).
My parents told me some of those things.
That’s why we tend to find instances of personalities running away from Science into Arts because they wanted to do what they wanted to do and not what their parents wanted them to do (e.g. Adichie, Fela Anikulapo Kuti, etc.)

… Pressured by social and familial expectations, Adichie ‘did what I was supposed to do’ and began to study medicine at the University of Nigeria. After a year and a half, she decided to pursue her ambitions as a writer, dropped out of medical school and took up a communication scholarship in the US… curled from The heroine collective.

On Fela;

… He attended the Abeokuta Grammar School in Abeokuta and later he was sent to London in 1958 to study medicine but decided to study music instead at the Trinity College of Music, the trumpet being his preferred instrument. While there, he formed the band Koola Lobitos, playing a fusion of jazz and highlife.
curled from Vanguard Nigeria

and also there are instances of people who satisfied their parents first and later went on to do their dang thing (more like, Parents wanted A to study Aviation and A did and after that, A knew he was never gonna practice, so A went back to school to study Journalism that he had always wanted). Those people are the real MVPs; maybe that would have been my case but it didn’t. I fought my way early and for now, I can say I’m the only Art person in my family; 3 of my sisters are into science and are doing well for themselves and sometimes I do get the jabs (more like I wasted my smartness on Art instead of Science) but it’s cool, I love what I do and I’m hopeful about my career path. I believe in it! And you know what, I can never be poor! (my declaration in Bishop Oyedepo‘s voice)
So guys, there is still a level of hostility, segregation, bias and racism towards Art in favour of Science but I hope that with time, we would have a Nigeria where parents in their bid to help their child aim for a secured future don’t make them waste some years on satisfying them.
I hope that with time, Nigerian parents would fully come to the realization that sometimes, what a child needs is guidance and not enforcement; that people can live a very frustrated life and become depressed doing a job they don’t enjoy even if the cash flows ceaselessly.
I hope they understand that most of the time, what a child needs is a little bit of faith that he/she could make the right choice and when it feels low along the way, encouragement, believing in them and meeting their career needs is all the incentive they need.
Working a job you enjoy is an essential factor that helps in living a fulfilled life and when a person does what he/she enjoys, it doesn’t feel like job but more like living!

Sometimes we can become scared of poverty that we plunge into a path that leads to quick rich that we don’t enjoy because the path feels like stress.
Wealth is not measured by how much but how worth mentally and intellectually.

A smart mind is never poor! Intellect is a life assurance. ~ Ìbùkúnwrites

Let’s not give our children a yardstick of success and wealth to aspire to because the society dictates it that way!
Let our children grow through the process of believing in what they go after! Let them decide their own yardstick of wealth. Let them decide when it is enough and when there is more to chase! Let them realize that happiness comes most time from being satisfied with what you do cos what you do leads to what you have and you can have more if you want more!

No career choice is limiting, only you can limit you! ~ Ìbùkúnwrites

Your potential is a great asset! Let’s encourage our children on whatever they want to do so far it is noble!
Some parents can identify their children’s flare at a very young age but would choose not to encourage it because it is not just financially secured. They’d choose to buy him/her Anatomy Jane (Grey’s anatomy ?) when what he/she needs is lots and lots of literature texts.

Choose always, the happiness and fulfillment of your child over his/her financial gains. There is a thing called frustrating wealth. ~ Ìbùkúnwrites

That’ll be all today! Hope you picked one or two things.
PS: apologies for the long post without an heads up ?
Do you have a Nigerian parent story about your career choice? Heard any? Noticed the disparity between Art and Science? Do share in the comment section!
Xoxo
Ìbùkúnwrites ❣️

The Mystery of Yam and Twins

When you gaze upon the lovely sight. Of twins, arm in arm, asleep at night. Think not that the house has been doubly messed. But that you, as parents, have been doubly blessed. ~ Jon Bratton

Today, I’m out to take us on a very intimate and exciting trip to a place called Ibarapa Local Governments in Oyo State, Nigeria. Well, for one, this topic is not something I’m new to but it’s something that came to me in a very different light and most importantly, I hope to intimate my non-Nigerian readers with some of the non-prominent cultures and beliefs of the Nigerian people in the Yoruba region. Also, this post speaks for all Ibarapa Local Government Areas. Let me say, there is no South; I know everything that has North probably has South like my father’s place, Abeokuta (there is the North, South Local Governments) but this is what makes Ibarapa kinda unique; they only have Ibarapa Central and Ibarapa East Eruwa Local Governments.

So who are the Ibarapa people? I’m not going to do so much history but according to Wikipedia,The Ibarapas are a Yoruba group of people located in the Southwestern corner of Oyo State. The name of the group is derived from a local cultivar of the melon plant, locally known as Egusi Ibara, (Ive seen it and peeled it; quite different from the common egusi) which was historically acknowledged by neighboring towns like the Egbas, Ibadans, Oyo, etc.
As at 2011, they have a population of 400,000 people. Ibarapa North has 118,880 people. Ibarapa Central has 122,370 while Ibarapa East has 138,900 (they are regions with significant populations in Oyo State. They are mostly Muslims, Christians and the Yoruba traditional worshippers.
Furthermore, The Ibarapas are fondly hailed as Ibarapa mejeeje (The Seven Ibarapas) and this is due to the fact that Ibarapa land is traditionally made up of 7 principal towns with their surrounding villages and farmsteads and these towns are Igangan (my mum is from here), Eruwa, Aiyete, Tapa, Idere, Igbo-ora and Lanlate. Igangan, Tapa and Aiyete are in the Northern Part of Ibarapa while Idere and Igbo-ora are in the Central part of Ibarapa with Lanlate and Eruwa located in the Ibarapa East Local Government.
Plus, the Ibarapa people have a thing for tribal marks and also there is a unique intonation that comes with their Yoruba speaking (it’s really amusing) especially if you were born and practically raised there till forever. My mum don’t but some of my Uncles do and my Dad imitates them a lot whenever he is amongst his in laws and they find it funny that he tends to make jokes out of it. Trust me, it can be really funny but the intonation is like or is exactly the way a popular Yoruba actor by the name Afeez Owo speaks. Afeez Owo is Actress Mide Martins husband (google can help). If you’ve heard him speak before, you’d have an idea of what it sounds like.

Again, they have beautiful rocks in that place! The moment you begin your journey to the land, you’re dazed with beautiful sights of rocks as the car moves. They have one of the most beautiful and magnificent rocks and hills I’ve seen anywhere followed by Idanre/Ondo.

imgrum.org

When next I visit, I’d get pictures; lots of them (travelled those places when I was without a better phone).
Clears throat! Where are we headed?
A few weeks back, I came across a post by Sisi Yemmie on Instagram where she talked about making a lot of recipes out of Yam because she desired Twins and she heard consuming a lot of Yam can help achieve that! I was like okay! Then I went into the comment section and mehn, it was 85% affirmation that Yam does help with giving birth to twins and I was like my Biology Teacher forgot to mention that but what was I thinking, Science don’t buy superstitions or environmental beliefs.
So, I said okay. . . then there were these comments that got me holding up. Some people were like it’s true but these yams are special yams found in Oyo State, Ibarapa precisely. I was like are you for real! I’m gonna be right back!????
You’re probably thinking what’s up?
First, I have a thing for twins! Especially the identical ones; quite intriguing and interesting! I love mystery a little – so I love how identical twins make you wonder and think and puzzled. Generally, I love twins! Be it boy and girl, girl and girl, boy and boy!
Second, my mum is from a town called Igangan in Ibarapa North Local Government side of Oyo State (you can tell from the gist up there) and we’ve got a lot of twins in my maternal family and I was beginning to wonder, is it really true? Does Yam have anything to do with it? Is it true there’s a special yam? Cos I was just here thinking it’s more biological; those zygotes breaking into whatever. Mehn, I gotta ask my mum.
So I walked up to my mum and I was like I read this, is it true? And she was like well, maybe! Ok! Then she went ahead to explain to me that it’s possible there is a special yam you can only find in that part of Oyo State.
Well, the point is, she affirmed it and also credited Biology for what is worth. So I sat down and I begin to think and I couldn’t but agree more to a fault.
Well, I’m not superstitious and I’m not more about beliefs but there are facts and I go with that. What do I mean? I started thinking about things that never really occurred to me to think about it beyond the surface level
What are the facts?
1. There was a theory dated 60s and this theory can be traced back to Professor PPS Nylander; an Obstetrician and Gynaecologist who conducted a series of research on the phenomenon of twinning and multiple birth in Ibarapa district of Oyo State (and that includes the three Local Government Areas) and he discovered that this Yoruba people had the highest twinning rates in the world (yes!) (45.1 per 1000 live births) and the twins were usually of the fraternal type (dizygotic -unidentical) which means the women were having multiple ovulations/egg releases in their menstrual cycle which he said could have been triggered by environmental factors and he finally suggested that these factors might be in the local yam being consumed by the people in the area. Wawuuuuu!!!
Now, to the local Yam! Ibarapa people do not eat yam like that; I mean boiled yam; roasted yam; pounded yam, but they eat one thing tirelessly; it’s called. . .

PC: abebifoods.com.ng

2. Black Amala (Amala dudu); a kind of swallow in Nigeria and a typical Oyo State meal and trust me, it’s my mother’s meal. We eat this thing like forever! Well, I’m an eba eater anyway but I eat amala dudu as well. So, my point is, we don’t really eat pounded yam even same goes for boiled yam but it occurred to me that we do eat yam a lot (I mean we eat a lot of black amala which is made from the back of yam – scraped, washed, sun dried and grinded). And the part that is tricky the most is, my mum buys most of the flour from her place, Igangan! So yes, we have been feeding on that yam ?. My mum is a pro with black amala flour. She knows the one that is fake or not, good not good, so she trusts the one from her place (or has my momma been grooming us for twins??).

randafricanart.com

2. Where my mum comes from, I can categorically tell you that in a family (nuclear plus extended or minus), you can find up to 8 Taiwos and Kehindes in one house (I’m not exaggerating). Before the yam thing started, I like to think that it was more genetic, so I believed that if I don’t give birth to twins, one of my sisters is bound to give birth to one (I have 4 of them; no brothers) and that ideology was based on the trend in her family.
Let me explain better.
My mum’s mom is a twin (never met her) and she gave birth to a lot (in Yoruba land, we believe it’s not right to count children) and in that lot was my mum followed by twin brothers who are dang identical (I can’t tell Uncle Taiwo from Uncle Kehinde; my mum does that job pretty well) and these Uncles of mine who are twins gave birth to twins separately (like Uncle Taiwo gave birth to twins and Uncle Kehinde gave birth to twins too) and there is another Uncle of mine who gave birth to twins twice and another who I’d like to call Uncle X; he’s better known with one of his sons name; let me just call him Uncle X. So when I was like 8, I could remember having cousins that were twins (a boy and a girl) who were from Uncle X and lately, I was asking my mum about the twins and she told me that the Taiwo (a girl) had given birth and she gave birth to twins and one of her twins already gave birth to another set of twins (mehn! I gave up right there) ‘cause believe me, in my momma’s side, I don’t really know my cousins that much because one minute you’re meeting one who looks like the other and you hear things like Taye kekere, kehinde agba (meaning small Taiwo, Big Kehinde), all in the bid to separate them but they had to start calling them with their father’s sons name when it became much. So you’d hear things like Taye Baba X (Taiwo of Daddy X) and when that man has two Taiwos, you’d hear something like Taye Agba Baba X (Senior Taiwo of Daddy X).
I have never found it creepy; it’s amazing and interesting to me. And all of these is still in my mother’s nuclear family, now imagine me stepping into the Great Aunts, Great Uncles who are still alive, that’s another story cos I know like two of those Great Aunt’s children (yea, different surname cos they married) who were twins. . . and these Great Aunts were twins themselves.

Sidra and Tasha Smith

And my mum also gave birth to twins. Yea, I have sisters who are twins (dizygotic)! And how my mum doesn’t miss recognizing all of those twins in her family makes me trip! Lol! You’d want to have twins believe me! It’s beautiful and amazing like it’s quite impossible to enter a family in my mother’s hometown and not find twins in one home – it is like 1 in 100 and mehn, I feel blessed to experience such blessing bestowed on those people.
I am convinced that this part of Nigeria has the highest rate of Twins!!! Highest! Identical, non-identical! And this is not because Professor said so but because I come from there and I know that you can get lost amidst twins!
And in my father’s side, we obviously have twins (coming from my mum lol) and one of my cousins from my father’s side too gave birth to twins (female, identical).
So, yea! I’m proud in moments like this cause I like to feel I come from the bloodline of twins’ carriers ?? and do I still believe one of my sisters or more may pop one even if I don’t, yes I do! I have Uncles in my mother’s nuclear family who didn’t but it’s like one person must sha reproduce the trend (I know I’m sounding superstitious right now lol)
Do I think it has a lot to do with yam or consumption of black amala? well maybe! But I like to believe, it’s God’s natural resources for those people! Like Tin is to Jos, so is twins to Ibarapa, Oyo State?
Again, I feel that stuff is more dominant in the females than the males (the twin thing). It’s like 60-40 but when a man with twins in his family also marries a woman with twins, it’s like ?boom lakalaka boom? (just me trying to imagine, but really, it’s that serious).
Should I say more? Nah! Let me just stop! Having this conversation with my mum, I could tell she had never seen it that way until I asked. . and for me, I think it’s about time I eat more of that amala than my eba now????
I hope you found this quite interesting, eye opening, intriguing and mindblowing.
With the above narratives, are you tempted to think this is more than Biology and lucky copulation? Do you think Yam has anything to do with giving birth to twins? Do you think there’s a special yam that can only be found in Ibarapa part of Oyo State? Have you ever heard this story as related to twins before? Kindly share your thoughts with me in the comment section.
PS: Lest I forget, if you’re single and a lover of twins so much that you don’t mind giving birth to them twice and more, a lady from Ibarapa is your best bet or better still, a lady with the Ibarapa root (you know like me but not me you get) cos believe me, they breed twins in that place.
Till I come your way again,
Keep refreshing this space,
Xoxo❤
©2018. Ibukunwrites

You can spend too much time wondering which of identical twins is the more alike. ~ Robert Brault

MY 2018 READING PLAN + A BOOK REVIEW

It is what you read when you don’t have to that determines what you will be when you can’t help it. ~ Oscar Wilde.

Last year, I started a pattern of book reviews here but I couldn’t go through with them for long till I went on that long hiatus but being a person who’s quite engaged in a lot of writings, I’ve decided to be very conscious of my reading life.
Related: Dangerous Passion The Type. We carry the sky
Let me just say this, I’m an avid reader but trust me, it’s possible not to pick a book to read in one month or probably pick a book to read and not finish until forever because of some writing commitments – that’s just me being ?.

A Writer is a Reader.

In that regards, I’ve decided to do what’s called a 2018 Reading Plan where I’d be reading a total of 50 books. I love round figures. It’s quite easy to say 52 after all there are 52 weeks in the year but mehn, who’s counting! I’m not trying to impress anyone; I’m just trying to be accountable for my reading life! I don’t need it to just bloom; I need it blooming (continuously).
So how am I going to do it?
Well, I’ve seen quite a lot of reading plans and then it has too much routine and rules and believe me, I’m quite a rule breaker, I don’t do so much with them. I can’t afford to read a book by letter, by history, by author, etc. It’s cool ‘cause I probably might use some of those factors in picking any book to read but not like I’m conditioned to do that for a particular month/week (I’m not trying to criticise people who do it, I’m just trying to explain my own hesitation about that style). It’s going to be quite random for me – I’m quite spontaneous; I pick whichever attracts me (Nigerian, African, Foreign, Memoir, Fiction, Poetry, Spiritual, etc.) and that could be based on personal recommendation, reviews read, affection for a particular author, etc.
Also, I’m not doing a number per month; I’m gonna be very intentional by making sure it’s 50! But yea, I could set a goal limit for each month like at least 3 books per month (as check and balance).
It’s better to exceed your reading goals than to fall short.
So, have I started?
Yes. I have. Read two books already in January; presently on my third; that’s like (-3+50) for me and I’m gonna be reviewing one of them today!?

PC: @blackmilkwomen (IG)

Drum rolls!
Title: The Last Black Unicorn
Genre: Memoir/Autobiography
Author: Tiffany Haddish
Publisher: Gallery Books (Simon and Schuster)
Year of Publication: 2017
Number of Pages: 373 (my ebook reader version)
ISBN: 978-1-5011-8184-9
A little history!
L – R (Myself, Debs and Tolu at Jabbi Mall restroom)

That picture up there is dated August, 2017! Yea, that was me hanging out in Abuja with two of my favourite persons during my work holiday. I was meeting the two of them for the first time after a long time of online friendship and call relationship.
So, it happened that we decided to go see a movie at Jabbi Mall and that movie was Girls Trip. More like, me and my girls were hooking up after a long time of never seeing and we were there to see a movie about four girls who were reuniting after a long time of separation (The Flossy Possy) – I’m not here to review the movie? (lemme fall back in line).
Should have reviewed that movie since last year but I know many of y’all probably would have seen it but I’m still gonna put up a review for my opinion’s sake and for blog’s sake. ?. . .
Why the history?
The history is to help you understand my drive behind reading that book up there. For me, and for everyone out there that saw the movie, I want to believe Tiffany Haddish blew their mind! As in, she was like the highlight of it all and I was like, how come I’ve never heard of this woman until now? What kind of movies have I been seeing? . . . But you know what; I saw that movie twice at the Cinema. . . What!!!? Yea!
First, I didn’t go see it again cos I was obsessed with (eyes rolling) it but I had another date with one of my friends (Yetunde) working in Abuja to go see a movie and when we got there, we wanted to see something else that was unfortunately not shown at the Silverbird Cinema but Girls Trip was just starting and she had wanted to see it, so I had to pretend as if I hadn’t seen it so my friend could see it (I just couldn’t deprive her of laughing it all out by deciding to see something else you know) but guess what, I was a terrible actor? and my friend could tell I had seen the movie before.
You know that moment you try to laugh extra hard or you’re under-laughing and that shoot-yourself-in-the-leg moment when you’re carelessly giving spoilers for the next scene and she be looking at you and the spirit of God be telling her, check that girl well, she been here before???!
Now, the sold out moment was when we were walking out and we bumped into my friend that I had come to Abuja to meet (Debs) with Seyifunmi (another friend of hers I had met) they were on ‘after work shopping’ and by the way, Debs had met Yetunde before that day and she knew I was out with her and she was like what movie did you guys see and Yetunde replied Girls Trip and Debs just sold me out, and she be like Ibukun, you saw that movie again?
And Yetunde that took me out was like ehn ehn, I was sensing it. Gosh! She was like you could have told me, we would have seen something else since the outing was about me; but I was trying to make sure she didn’t have to make that sacrifice. I had seen the movie, I loved it and she hasn’t and she’s quite a busy person, she may never have the time! so why not see it again on my part?
Yetunde and myself waiting for our tickets

Me strutting outta shoprite

A clear picture with Yetunde at Codstone

Anyways, back to the book.
I knew I was gonna feed on anything Tiffany Haddish from that cinema moment. I fell in love right there watching Girls Trip and saying she got my heart was an understatement. She was dang hilarious and funny and you know what, I had to online track her??. In my mind, I was like Girl, you’ve got a diehard fan in me. . . So, I followed her on Instagram (I do that a lot when I fall in love with someone’s personality).
Fortunately afterwards, the movie apparently sold out and yea, it’s time the world gotta know Tiffany Motherfucking Haddish (sorry, that was how she put it in the book). So, she wrote a book and I knew I was gonna be reading it. I have a thing for nonfictions a lot! It’s a type of literature I practically live for.
So, what should you expect reading The Last Black Unicorn?
PC: audible_com (IG)

1. This is Tiffany Haddish very vulnerable and bare to the whole world. You know, vulnerability is a big deal. It takes strength and a lot of freedom in who you are and acceptance of all that you are and believing all that matters is the way you and God alone sees you! So it doesn’t matter who has an opinion or who is trying to make his/her opinion counts.
2. This book is raw (like undiluted), deep and hilarious. I mean, this is gonna make you laugh really hard (you better not be reading this when your grandmamma is at home and she’s gonna be hearing you laugh hard cos you gonna keep getting the girl! Are you alright? Check). Truthfully, I expected her writing style (very comic) ‘cause I was consciously reading with her personality in my head that it became pretty easy for me to laugh really hard at some things (like I was imagining Dina from Girls Trip talking to me). She had her voice written all over the narrative. . . she would make you laugh even at the painful things.


3. Most importantly, this book is not a comic book. It’s a painstakingly narrated story of struggles, joy and pain especially through the eye of comedy. Tiffany Haddish lived a hard life – a very rough and traumatized childhood, serial relationship pains, abuse, domestic violence, divorcing the same man twice, fighting through a men-dominated comedy world as a woman and becoming a Hollywood hit girl.


4. Trust me, this book is a lot!!!
Favourites: My favourite parts were where she talked about Roscoe; a character with a physical challenge (it was very inspiring to me – I didn’t find it offensive at all; she handled the sensitivity very well as far I’m concerned). Also, I love the part where she talked about being friends with Jada, hanging out with Jada and Will Smith; meeting the Queen of Soul, Mary J. Blige and how she handled her success when people who had rejected her started calling after Girls Trip became a box office hit (trust me, I was literally smiling at that point. I could imagine that feeling of being wanted by the ones who had rejected you and make you feel like some shitty holes down the drainage).

Reservations: In all fairness, I really do not have any. Of course, it is normal that people would crave for more depth when it comes to truth-telling especially (memoirs, autobiography, biography, etc.) but I like to put it at the back of my mind that a person’s story is theirs to own which includes, how they tell it, what they tell and what they hold back. For me, this is a truth well told for someone who is a Comedian and an Actor! Tiffany is not only hilarious but also a great story and truth teller. In the book, she mentioned that after breaking things off with Roscoe, he disappeared and no one knows where he is till date – a part of me did wish he is still alive somewhere.
Rating: 9.0 out of 10.
Extra: I just want to say thank you to Tiffany Haddish for sharing her truth with the whole world! It takes strength and love to see others being free to accept who they are to do that. Also, her success is well deserved and admirable. She’s one heaven of a fighter.
PS: Everyone should really read this book and it is important to say that there are lots of lessons to pick, so, don’t get carried away with the comic telling and yea, this book has an audio version; I can tell it’s gonna be fire and smoke altogether!

Lest I forget, If you’ve not subscribe, kindly subscribe to my blog. Leave comments (I so want to see my comment section blow up), share this post (it’s important – help me reach a wider audience) and lastly, follow me on social media (link is down the page).
Till I come your way next week with another interesting post, please, do have an amazing and fun-filled weekend.

Everyone should have a strong and very active reading culture. It has nothing to do with being a Writer or not! It has everything to do with overall self development.

What do you think of reading plans? Is it an idea you’d buy? What do you think of Tiffany Haddish’s The Last Black Unicorn?
Xoxo?
©2018. Ibukunwrites.

Nonfiction is more than telling the world your story; it’s also helping others tell their stories! ~ Ibukunwrites

Mckayla Robbin's 'We Carry the Sky': The Immersion

It’s been days since my last post and a Happy Weekend to y’all! And I just deleted a published post mistakingly in the process of trying to post this. . .?
Anyways, It’s Friday so we counting already. I want to apologize for my inconsistency on this blog (after all, some of y’all have probably gotten used to it ‘cause not that I’m proud of it but yeah, I’m an inconsistent blogger even though it might not make so much effect pacifying y’all with my amazing posts yea I like to feel that way about my post each time I come around ? but the thing is it can be pretty difficult juggling everything together. Some jobs do pretty well making room for working bloggers more than you can imagine to blog consistently but for some of us, we probably have to worry about getting a lot of things done and still think about how not to frustrate you lovely readers to stop reading but I can smell a great deal improvement come next year. . . by then, you would probably be getting daily doses of Ibukun and probably with a domain name too and a new look but till then, please bear my inconsistency?).
To the business of the day or better still, to the blogpost of the day?
If you read my last book review, you’ll remember my narrative about getting a parcel of books and my intention to review them all as I read them. So in that regards, I’ve decided to bring you another book review! 
Title: We Carry The Sky
Genre: Poetry
Author: Mckayla Robbin
Publisher: Hachette books
Year of Publication: 2016
Number of Pages: 145
ISBN: 978539367383z

Drum roll (sorry, can’t find an emoji?)
First, I’d like to say that this book right here is Mckayla Robbin’s first self-published book and as a Writer, self-publishing somehow scares me because it’s just pretty easy not to sell out especially in Nigeria here and believe me, maybe we don’t say it or admit it like that, but there are lots of eBook publication among young and rising Nigeria Writers because many of these writers are trying to push themselves and saving ahead for their hardcopy release and then it can be scary thinking about the probability that it may or may not sell but with Writers like Mckayla Robbin, Rupi Kaur, and a host of others, some of us are daily being inspired that to own your truth is worth any risk at all and never to let the fear of what may and may not be stop us from going for what we want.
We Carry The Sky

This book is divided into four powerful parts filled with short yet powerful poems that attack loss, love and freedom. It’s a collection that challenges us to be uncomfortable with social injustice we’ve been conditioned by ourselves, situations and the society to be okay with. 
We Carry The Sky will take you on emotional and critical reasoning rollercoaster. I read this book at one-sitting and it the way it made me feel never really left. It was so much about how  Mckayla powerfully and deeply sprung her words together to leave her reader breathless and craving for more. It tackles issues like violence, racism and most importantly, the rape culture and so many other topics anyone might be reluctant to talk about.
 

In fact, it wasn’t just talking about them; it was the way she talked about them without fear.
Mckayla Robbin’s We Carry the Sky is a book that brings you something to always connect with. This right here is darn feminist! It is loud, blunt, wild and vocal! 

This is a poetry that helps you to realize the depth of the pain. 

It is the truth. . .


It helps you heal, fall in love and love yourself all over again, helps you accept your body and heal it. It is a book anyone who has been sexually abused and assaulted can relate to and find succour in.


This poetry is hope! It’s peaceful! It’s magical. It’s inspirational and female-empowering. Above all, it encourages women to be unashamed; that freedom is attainable in a body that has been through so many wars and there is no need to despise the wound ‘cause something beautiful grows there. 


It’s says take it easy, don’t be too hard on yourself, go through the journey and enjoy the process! One day at a time!

It’s a call to love; self love. 


Reservations:
Absolutely none! This is a book that gets all of you! The content of which you wanna sleep and wake in! Thank you Mckayla for being so vulnerable, blunt and inspiring❤
. . . till I come your way again, never stop reading!?
©Ibukunwrites. 2017!
@ibukunwrites on Twitter and IG

Sarah Kay's 'The Type': A Poem for the Woman

Halllllowwww fabulous readers! Welcome to the weekend and y’all know what the weekend is all about! Reviews!
I’ve been away for some time and first, I have to thank the terrible Glo Network for that and in fact, I have decided that after this sub finishes, no more Glo! Where’s the pride when the network slows instead of glows? ?

Birthday selfie

Second, it was my birthday last week and it was a rollercoaster of emotions. Even though I had to work that day, I still managed to take some selfies. It was a very rough and traumatic old year but thank God that above all, I am what I am by His Grace?. 

So, three weeks ago, I received a parcel of books from a fellow Writer and a Sister as healing gifts all the way from NY and this parcel had a total of 13 books in it and I can categorically say that 4 books are down outta of 13! And I want to use this medium again to say a very big thank you to Oyindamola Shoola for this very rare and kind gesture. There is one thing I always say, friends who invest in your healing are keepers. 



Posing with Oyindamola’s latest book

Having established that, I’ve also decided to do a review of each of these books and today, I’m starting with Sarah Kay’s The Type!

Title: The Type
Genre: Poetry
Author: Sarah Kay
Publisher: Hachette books
Year of Publication: 2016
Number of Pages: 23
ISBN: 978-0-316-38660-9
This particular book is all about identity and taking control of it. 


Sarah Kay emphasizes that the choice to be defined solely belongs to her alone 
If you grow up the type of woman

men want to look at
You can let them look at you.

. . . and never up to another person. She simply says that the definition of the woman should not be looked at through the eye of the man.

Do not spend time wondering if you are
The type of woman men will hurt

This poetry is a clarion call, an awakening addressing a social topic of women objectification and stereotyping, sexuality and gender equality. 
This is a call to the woman to defy the pattern and create what her definition of right, wrong and limitation is.

It is hard to stop loving the ocean 
Even after it has left you gasping, salty.
Forgive yourself for the decisions you have
made,
the ones you still call
mistakes when you tuck them in at night. . .
__________
Let the statues crumble
You have always been the place




Reservations: A lot! Because honestly speaking, I was dumbfounded to discover that the whole of the book was 1 poem spread all through the 23 pages. Like really! Cos I want to believe this book must have cost a fortune and if that’s right was she trying to be creative with having just 1 poem spread through the book? I think this is a poem that could have effortlessly made it into a collection of her poems like Still I Rise of Maya Angelou you know and it could have just been left a spoken word poetry because I actually watched her read this poem on YouTube. So what is it? A great financial move? Or was she just trying to showcase the skills of the illustrator with all the drawings? But whatever the reason may be, the poem was a good one.
Rating: Yea, I’m giving this book a 5 out of 10 because of the reservation only! Why a book?
And that’s all for the weekend guys! Do enjoy what’s left of the weekend! Till Monday???
~ ©Ibukunwrites. 2017.

WHAT WE DON’T KNOW ABOUT SUICIDE



If anyone had told me I would share something related to suicide this week, I would say No. Last week Sunday, I read a story of an OAU Student who committed suicide by mixing battery liquid with rat poison because she got an E in  CHM 101. 
It was very sad to stomach and it made me remember some of my breaking moments in OAU – I had to do an unplanned digging and looking into that time of my life and all I could do is thank God.
I have been acutely depressed and have battled suicidal thoughts – there are days when ending it would feel like the needed thing to do and most times, there are moments when I don’t know how to feel anything else but gloominess; days I can’t account for what I feel and why I feel that way and on these days, I sometimes allow myself to feel these things and some other days, I take charge of my mind, my thoughts and choose life. 
Suffice it to say that so many people are going through that right now in a country like Nigeria where we don’t believe in mental health awareness and the presence and realness of depression. I’ve learnt a lot over the past years about depression and suicide and the following are things I’ve identified;

1. People who commit suicide really do not want to die. As complicated as this might seem, it is the truth. A lot of things causes depression and suicides are end results of lost battles of chronic depression. A person suffering from a chronic case of depression is bound to have the illusion that death is the solution to the issue that drove him/her to be depressed and not because he/she really wants to die. Most times, it’s a cry for help and when it feels like no one sees or listens, they are driven to the point where they take their own life. The essence of living is lost, the thirst for ambition is not there and sometimes it feels like living is not for them, life hates them and their presence is a burden to the world, friends and families. One thing I am sure of is, as much as it is easy to call people who have taken their own life cowards, I think it takes a great deal of tiredness to shut all of one’s mind and take one’s life in whatever forms of suicide – trust me, I’ve seen people go through health pain and die but imagining the anguish and suffering that happens when someone intentionally takes his/her own life by swallowing something or tying the rope; I can’t bring myself to imagine it.

2. Even the tiniest thing especially triggers can lead to depression and then suicide. I suffered depression at a point in time but I never knew it was called depression as at that time and it wasn’t that fore-grounded because it wasn’t acute or let me just say I pulled through by God’s help ‘cause depression wouldn’t really be one of my issues if i was to itemize but I went through it and not once have I been suicidal through those years (never really considered taking my own life) until recently when I had a trigger and yes, there were times when I felt like I should just end it. Boy, I was acutely depressed. I would feel like he/she is right, you’re better off dead! But the truth remains that I could never have had the guts to take my own life. It was all felt and never planned (what should I employ in ending it) nor attempted but the truth is, I’m just one of those few cases and the people who took their own lives never thought they could do that either. My point, there is bound to be a more catastrophic and pronounced depression that could be suicidal if there’s a trigger of what was survived. It could be loss (person, job, marriage, repeated mistake, cycles, etc.) or could be unhappiness, pressure from within and without.
3. Not every depression/suicidal thought was hidden. There is this thing people say about not knowing or there is nothing they could have done because the depressed person didn’t look it neither did he/she displayed signs of being depressed. Well, as much as it is true that so many people battling depression do quite a good job at masking it, it’s not true in all cases. In some cases, someone was able to pick it – someone was able to see beyond the act and sense a little bit of imbalance in the emotions and mental stability but they didn’t do anything about it because felt they could be wrong or the person might not want their privacy infringed on or better still they felt there’s nothing they could do to help and these assumptions have caused us so many lives we could have saved if only we decided to break through their walls or follow our guts/inclinations.
4. Anyone can help. Yes, anyone can help so far you’re not insensitive in words, action and attitude. There isn’t so much required in helping a depressed person through their struggle that anyone don’t have and can’t afford. We all have love and can afford it unless we don’t want to show it.


5. A larger percent of suicide were fuelled by people’s utterances. Believe it or not, so many people simply killed themselves because of what people have said to them. So many others gave up on their strength to pull through in the middle of the crises because of what someone has said to them and some people’s triggers were simply words. I shared on my Instagram page how I had shared my struggle with a friend and he asked me if I needed rope to do it or I have an unfixed fan so he could help me fix it only for him to call me a day after asking if I ended up killing myself. I know it was funny to him but the fact that I didn’t let that spur me to death doesn’t mean some people can handle such utterances. Let’s be careful of what we say to people. Let our words not be the reason someone decides life isn’t for him/her.

6. Just because they smile and keep it together doesn’t mean they are mentally healthy. If only we could see through people’s faces into their hearts and souls at times, we would realize there are lots of pains being suppressed in the bid to keep it together. The truth is, the term keeping it together has gone from what it used to be and it has become a term where people feign being okay while trying not to fall apart and the truth is, so many people are fallen on the inside so bad that the body is just not telling. We all have issues that we weather through life but not all issues create depression, mental imbalance, panic attacks and more. I say this often and although it’s not a reflection of everyone but people who are most happy are the most sad. 
7. Creating a bill that sanctions anyone caught trying to commit suicide in Nigeria won’t help. Believe me, this isn’t the way forward. I was watching a programme on TVC one night. I’ve forgotten the title of the programme but it was a woman and a man in a debate on suicide and depression and the part that caught me the most was when the man said anyone caught trying to kill himself should be penalized and a bill should be passed to that effect. Please, in a country where we are still trying to educate people on how real depression is in Nigeria, you think saving a man from dying and then charging him to court help reduce the challenge and create mental awareness? Yes, on no account should anyone take his/her life and yes, maybe the situation in the country increases some people’s depression and push to commit suicide and true, we all are not the same – sometimes we fight the same war but not everyone survives the war – we all don’t have the same strength and even if we do, we all are not aware of it. So please, passing such bill is a wrong call of judgement.

How do we help right?
The following are ways we can help a depressed or suicidal person rightly;
1. Don’t turn a deaf ear to people’s cry for help. Everything is not attention and even if it is, it really wouldn’t hurt, would it?
2. Stop trivializing people’s pain. Everything is not a joke ‘cause at the end of the day, your regret won’t send them back to planet earth.

3. Show love and care remind them of the happy moments, show them reasons why they’d want to stick around, make them realize that someone does care about them – that ending it is never the solution. Help them to stop paying attention to that which hurts. It’s never as bad as it seems. That what they are going through or have experienced is not stronger than them; it’s not powerful enough to drive them to early grave and that they are not only important but valuable to this planet. If you are sure they are depressed and are denying it, bring someone in that cares about them and help them to break down the walls and let them know it’s okay to feel the way they do ‘cause they are not alone.

4. Stop telling them about hell after death.
One of the things I learnt from so many stories of suicide I’ve read is that at that point, those people don’t care about anything but ending it. They care more about themselves than they care about anyone. We consider it selfish when we look at the parents, sisters and all but they see their exit as a way of relieving their loved ones of their burden. So when someone tells you about wanting to end it and you tell them do you know people who kill themselves are going to hell. Of course they know! But they don’t send you because they would always believe you don’t understand and allow them leave the world first and they’ll settle hell later on. You wanna help people? Stop telling them the scary truth; tell them the truth that brings life without them having to end it.

5. Stop comparing them with someone else. People do this a lot!
They’d say is it not the same thing that Lagbaja went through and he survived? In fact, she went through worse than yours, what have you now seen that you’re trying to kill yourself? You better receive sense. Sister, we get your point but your approach is very wrong. We all grieve differently. We react to things differently. We process and heal differently. So, there’s no wisdom in telling a depressed person to suck it up because she’s seen nothing compared to Lagbaja’s own.
6. Don’t give up on them even if they have on themselves. Sometimes, it’s difficult to hold on alone and your faith when they’ve lost theirs might just be the only thing that saves their life.
7. Help them to make efforts to heal. It’s okay to reach out on their behalf. Help them get materials that relates to what they are dealing with. Sometimes they may not know how to get help, it’s okay to let the onus fall on you.
8. Pray for them and go through their healing mantras with them. – as much as I’ve come to realize recently that it’s not all spiritual, and there’s a place for physical effort that is crucial, I believe in prayers, confessions and studying the word. I survived the early rough years of my life doing it the spiritual way but then again, I had it rough again and I learnt that yes, I catered for the spiritual but I need to understand that this is where the physical comes in, not to render my spiritual aspect useless but the truth is, we do have deposits from life experiences that we can’t pray away unless we address them. Nonetheless, pray for their souls to heal as they go through the physical healing while also involving God.
Finally, save a life from untimely death through suicide by showing love! Love doesn’t cost a thing.
Happy Tuesday?
~ ©Ibukunwrites. 2017.

THE MARRIAGE NARRATIVES

Can I just say that apart from the fact a man is entitled to his opinions, some of y’all social media Judges need to take a chill pill and calm down with the Timi Dakolo lashing out. . . #mansgotpoints
Two days ago, I woke up and had read one of these gist on Instablog9ja about marriage (Tonto Dikeh’s) and I was so sad because number one, it felt like the issue wasn’t going anywhere soon and two, like how do we get to the place of hating so passionately what we once loved, protected, defended and sacrificed for so passionately? And then I realized that sometimes, maybe it takes feeling deserving and accepting of shits and abuse to discover that we don’t truly deserve what we take and settle for, but there is a level of anger that comes with abuse which lingers on for a long time till healing is done. 
I’m not saying that is how we get to the place of hate. . . I’m saying sometimes it could be a reason; knowing you fought so hard and even had to lie just to show how much you ‘love’ only to realize the other person placed no value on you can hurt as hell which takes me back to the part where I had to write this

. and most importantly, seeing Timi Dakolo’s post yesterday about marriage literary confirmed what I had said.

The man was just trying to point out the obvious truth everyone has been trying not to come to terms with that divorce is now kinda the new cool stressing emphatically that marriage is for two complete adults and as much as divorces happen (especially for reasons like domestic violence, abuse etc.) no one should ever enter a marriage without their complete self; marriage doesn’t make an incomplete person complete! Don’t enter marriage thinking it’d fix whatever pain you were unable to fix from your single days. Let it not be that you didn’t fight for your marriage – you didn’t give it a benefit of doubt that it could survive the challenges you both are facing. You just don’t get to walk out at every opportunity without working it out because it just seems like this generation is a generation that would rather not consider other options but speak of divorce first!
I think a lot of times, some of us had found ourselves trying so much to work out a dating relationship too many times and at the end of the day had to walk out of and by so doing, we probably got tired of trying to work things out because it always seemed to end dissolved. It scares me seeing two people who once lovingly held hands now sitting miles apart in a courtroom and can’t even afford to look each other in the eye. . . sometimes it becomes so messy that children are brought in to help corroborate in taking the other person down. . .smh!

As much as #mansgotpoints! The reaction he got from people like Toni Payne is another angle that I, Ebukun Gbemisola Ogunyemi will never handle lightly. I totally agree with her that no one goes to the altar to say I do just for the fun of it only to come out months or years later to declare he/she doesn’t! 

Someone left a comment on instablog9ja and I was so impressed with her reasoning. See ehn, People divorce sometimes not because they didn’t consider other options that included losing themselves, sacrificing their desires, faking it, keeping a public eye and appearance, etc. just to make it work and in a society where we feel a married woman is more honourable than a woman who walked out of her marriage, we’ll do anything not to lose our reputation with the society and when it now backfires (death, disease, public shaming, etc.) the same society is still the one to say why did she do that to herself? If there is anything I have learnt, the society don’t always care for his own! He ain’t got your back – Always leaving you to dry, so if you wanna live long, with a happy and fulfilled life, don’t let the society make the damn rules for you! I, Ebukun Gbemisola Ogunyemi will never tell a woman to stay in a marriage/relationship that threatens her sanity. I’ve seen a woman whose mental-problem story was that she caught her husband with another woman and she just went mad like that. . . marriage shouldn’t make you insane, it should never make you a bad and hurtful version of yourself! It should never be the reason you lose your vigour, it should never be the reason you become a liar. . . that’s a selfish union, it’s no longer the coming together of two people but one person still becoming one or on the verge of being half.
A very quick one sef, marriage is not for everyone! And it’s Biblical.


We’ll save ourselves a lot of problems if the society stop trying to make a married woman out of every woman! To marry is not a choice the society should make for the woman; it is her own decision to make! Not everyone is cut out for marriage. You can prepare a child for examination for all you care, he can decide to write or not to write it! That’s the way preparing girls for marriage seems like to me. . . the woman doesn’t owe this goddamn society marriage! The society should stop trying to make the woman feel like a weirdo for not wanting marriage. . .





you cannot categorically say she’s unhappy because she’s unmarried. A woman doesn’t want to give birth, you start scabashing! Everything is not spiritual or I gave birth to you, you must birth yours! Most times, these things are psychological! Let a woman own her reason for not wanting something. It’s very simple! You make wives out of women who don’t want to be one and you question their misery? Oh! Please! That’s so you’re doing me and you’re saving me kinda thing in Yoruba land. Marriage is more than the ring, the party, the aso-ebi, the Mrs., the change of name! You don’t even give these women the opportunity to certify their readiness – do you care if they have the enthusiasm for marriage? Why would you go into something that doesn’t make every fibre of you ecstatic? I don’t owe you a change of name! I do not owe you a Mrs. Tag. . . I do not owe you marriage. . . it’s not an end to scarce means! And that’s why we have women who are being oppressed and abused real good in their marriages and still, they would keep quiet, keep a good front just to make an impression on a society that doesn’t give a hoot about them and make their friends feel as if they are missing something. Girl! Your life is real, so don’t play house of cards with your emotions – be real!!!
A woman started learning the art of being fake especially on how she’s being treated by men from boyfriend days. To be hurt by a guy is abnormal; a man doesn’t always have to hurt you! That’s crap! Let them be responsible for it! A guy should never have to be a guy!
Finally, I think there are lots of marriage narratives and I have been able to categorize them into three;
1. The narratives of the ones who are enjoying their marriages
2. The narratives of the ones who had to sadly come to terms with their marriage being over.
3. The narratives of the single woman who had suddenly become married.
These narratives will always be different and you know what I think, none is inferior to the other (talking about 1 and 2). You are not a better woman because you got the best man! And you are not inferior to your married colleagues because you had to have it rough a couple of times or more than a couple of times with marriage yet you’re still trying to get it right! They got a great guy? God be praised for them! we do this a lot in the society, trying to fault the narrative of our fellow woman because you’ve become so carried away living in your heaven that you forgot some people live, go through and withstand hell in the disguise of marriage. 

Conclusively, this is the part that I find a little insensitive especially with our single sisters that got married not quite long. It’s like marriage has a way of making them feel like they are better than every other person still single out there. It’s not all of them but some. Please, you are married not non-existing! It’s as if it teaches them how to be unreal with issues that are real! All of a sudden, they start reacting to issues whose truth are so obvious by trying to make the other single woman feel so uncomfortable and then I’d start asking myself – when did you get married sef? Is it not this same issue everyone is seeing like this? At least, if you must see it differently, don’t let us sense that you are because you’re trying to make an impression on us as a married woman! Marriage is not an avenue to be insensitive to your fellow woman! You are first woman before married woman! Enough of all these fakeness going around – women need real and women can get real when we become real and don’t try to act all better than all

And never should a woman say to another woman that it is her fault for getting married to a man who treated her less than she deserved! This storyline is boring! You wanna blame someone for reducing a fellow human to the bin because he probably was raised by a sexist society that the perfect way to be hardcore is to treat the woman that submission is hers and subjugation is his and by so doing, he becomes the man everyday, girl, take your biggest behind and holier-than-thou fourth finger off my mental property! You wanna blame someone, go blame the man! You don’t victimize people for being treated in an undeserved way; you victimize the oppressor, not the victim!
And just like that, I’m done! Happy Thursday guys!????
Welcome to the weekend. . . lol and I’d see you this weekend with a movie review! I can’t wait????
Love y’all!
©Ibukunwrites

​Tomilola ‘Coco’ Adeyemo’s DANGEROUS PASSION: An Aphrodisiac

Okay guys. . . before I start this review proper, I just wanna ask have you ever read a book that is this sexual and you say to yourself the author of this book better be getting this much in real life cos mehn. . . if not, I’d wanna ask her how she survived the torture of writing this e-Spartacus???? (like for reals mehn! But you know the funniest thing, I never saw Spartacus – don’t even know if it’s a movie or a series but I knew it has this sexual appeal that comes with it when people talk about it???). . . 
Moving on. . .
A very quick and sincere apology for the delay of this review. . . a lot is going on in the offline world and albeit the lot, girl’s gotta keep it all running and moving!?
Strutting real quick back to Dangerous Passion!

I don’t do romance (it’s always silly to me) but not since I started reading Tomi from the days of 360nobs to reading The Reunion last year. If you’re one of the people who still find it difficult to believe Tomi as a Writer is in a class of her own, then you need to get your ass ASAP to okadabooks.com and read this particular book in review.

Dangerous Passion is an orgasmic and suspense-filled narrative enclosed in secrets, mysteries, twist and turns, crime, passion, friendship, ego-defying attraction, lots of sex, betrayal, defiance, loss and most importantly love. It is a tale that could never have been written any better! This is where passion births love and love breaks secrets; it’s a story of inconvenient love. 

Oluwatonifise Garrn, a School Proprietress and an academic had not even the slightest idea that the night she swung into Eros Strip Club in company of her best friend, Tania was the night that was gonna mark a permanent swap in her life. That night, she was baptized into the journey that took her from being a widow who protected the memories of her late husband, Michael Garrn by keeping her vjayjay from external affairs as she met Olumide Okubanjo (Lummy), a covert billionaire, Pharmacist and strip club co-owner who drove her mind, soul and body insane. . . he didn’t stop at that, he set her emotions on fire as she started catching feelings
. . . but Lummy had more plans for her or at least was forced to have more plans for her but he could never bring himself to hurt the woman that had ended up becoming the air he breathed.
Oluwatonifise (Toni) Garrn didn’t realize how much insanity Lummy had brought her until she watched Tania’s brain scattered all over the floor of her mansion with one gunshot to her head leaving her to realize how much danger she was in and how it had everything to do with her late husband.
Who was Olumide Okubanjo? What was his mission? And how much of her late husband, Michael does she really know? What would she do with the feelings or better still, what would she do with the little Lummy in her tummy?
This is one hell of a read. The plot is lit! It is everything-everything?. Tomi took us on a suspense-filled drive with sexual-commercial breaks in between ??? and most importantly, this is one of the best crime meet romance novel I’ve ever read in a longtime. Personally, this is quite a commendable effort and introduction by Tomi – like this is another side of Tomi in writing! She’s gone all Shonda and I’m super-convinced with this book she’s beyond redemption ? ‘cause believe me, there is little you can predict in this book – this is Tomi in all her Shonda glory saying so many people gotta die in this book but damn, the story goes on and even got better with their deaths. . .
Tomi didn’t disappoint! She just kept getting better and better. Her writing style was super convenient and endearing. She murdered this book with the conversations, the dialogues and her descriptive power coupled with imagery was dope and trust me, I would have been surprised if I didn’t see some things pop up like the part where she wrote about the parents of a student sitting in front of Tania acting as if they’d rather be at a Small Doctor concert. . .??? and Tania was my favourite character! She reminded me of my friend, Doyin!
In short, Tomi remains that writer that is hard to fault even with a little typos (I think I noticed just two – sometimes we can’t help these things (typing errors).
Now what do I think overall?
I think Dangerous Passion is an orgasmic and suspense-filled narrative enclosed in secrets, mysteries, twists and turns, crime, passion, friendship, ego-defying attraction, lots of sex, betrayal, defiance, loss and most importantly love. It is a tale that could never have been written any better! This is where passion births love and love breaks secrets; it’s a story of inconvenient love. 
Rating: 10 (I promise you, you’ll read again and again and again. . . )
Outside the review: Don’t go and be touching yourself when you read this book (aunty, ko le to yen walahi??? . . before you go and be saying iz Tomi that caused it; she’s not the one o! and this book is 18+ abeg! Don’t come and be forming I love novels when you’re under 17 o! 
Once again, thank you Tomi for a ‘black-buster’ (in my Ghanian accent). . . nothing beats this for me this year!
Y’all know it’s always an honest review here!
How to get this book
Go to Okadabooks.com
Search for Dangerous Passion at the Store
And buy for just N750 – this is way too affordable for a mind blowing romance and fantasy!!!!
By the way, she recharged my Okadabooks Account just so I could read and honestly review! Thank You Tomi!!!!!
So guys, go make my review worth it by storming okadabooks to invest in her ministry by buying en masse?
NB: if you have a book and would love for me to review, I’m always open to receiving copies!
And yea, you can follow Tomi on IG – @tomilolacoco
Do have a lovely week!!!
If you’d love to read more reviews on this blog, say Yay!!!!
Byer. . .❤
©Ibukunwrites. 2017.