you can be your own kind of woman. ~ Ìbùkúnwrites.
“I wasn’t born to fulfill expectations. I wasn’t born to fit a stereotype. I’m not your typical African woman. Maybe I was until I realized how comfortable the society expected me to be even though I’m trampled upon. How submissive I should be even if his hands hurt my body. How willing I am meant to be each time he desires my body and I don’t want to give it out. The society is quick to tell I’m exaggerating when I’m hurting. Even in my truth, I could be a liar without evidence. Sometimes the evidence written all over my body can be self-inflicted ’cause a woman is manipulative.
I am a generation questioning everything. Fighting my way through misogyny, chauvinism, subjugation and female injustice. I’m a soul living in an historic body that’s not visible to them ’cause it’s more emotional and psychological than it’s concrete.
I am a woman breaking my voice outta the silence box. I am fighting, conquering, winning, rising, figuring my own desires and being okay with them. I am learning to be okay with my own love – not searching, not chasing, not running after. I’m a woman in full realization that I don’t owe this society an explanation of how I’m being woman. I’m a woman totally aware that I determine what completeness means to me.
I’m a woman, a full manifest; whole and not half; unashamed and never to give in to shame; not repulsed by my past but shaped from it; not distracted by hate; don’t care for human validation. I am me – a survivor. I am wild, untamed, no longer hard on me. I am healing, rejoicing, hoping, self-comforting and shedding. I’m a woman – renegade, loud, evolving and no matter who I discovered at the end of this journey, I’m still phenomenal. .
HAPPY INTERNATIONAL WOMEN’S DAY!!!! ?
I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life’s a bitch. You’ve got to go out and kick ass. —Maya Angelou
There’s incredible power in the arts to inspire and influence. ~Julie Taymor
It’s the 8th day of February; Happy New Month to y’all beloved readers. Wishing you colours and no gloominess in every part of your lives in this new month.
It is an open secret that the month of February is the declared month of love all thanks to Saint Valentine (I think I’d probably leave that topic till next week)
First, trust y’all have been doing really great and have been enjoying the blog so far ‘cause since my last post, my brain wouldn’t stop harassing me with contents and blog inspirations and I’m so excited that I had such a great incentive towards achieving consistency on this platform this year (praise God!) A R G U M E N T
Yes, you read right! I am a passionate arguer . I mean argument makes my adrenaline pop like melanin???.
Okay, don’t get me wrong?. I’m not talking unintelligent and intellectually degrading arguments or lovers quarrels (that one is exhausting), I mean arguments that boost and resets IQ ? and the truth is, those kind of things always start out as a conversation until A disagrees and B don’t think A has a point and A is trying to make his/her point very valid.
Again, I am very unwinnable with arguments. You just cannot win!? It’s like I’m always prepared you know – I’ve always got something to say (I mean not just anything, something meaningful that weakens your point) truthfully, arguments can go sour at times and I can be really pissed that you can feel it in my voice cos it can come out very strong and those kind of moments are 1 in 10 but I had that one in 10 recently.
Wait, I’m not saying I’m one of those people who get angry when they probably ‘lose’ (I hardly lose); some arguments are just an expression of a myopic view and it can be annoying and some people just need to be schooled.
But as much as I love arguments, I know when to walk away from one! In fact I can claim wrong just so youcan be right. It doesn’thave to be heated.Some people can become angry or that you’ll start wondering if you guys are fighting because you’re trying to discredit their point.
Two weeks ago, I was having a discussion with my dad about a popular Nigerian hiphop he has been enjoying lately and had put in a repeat mode and that song is ‘If’ by Davido. For me, I don’t do much hiphops but I’m not unaware of them.
My Dad loves music a lot but I just couldn’t understand the new found love for that song. So he asked me if the guy really had 30 billion (he was like does this guy really know what 30 billion is or he was just singing?)
Now the interesting part is, sometimes I engage in some arguments because I simply enjoy the art (having different opinions thrown around with each one trying to take prominence – there’s always something to laugh at! The out of proportion, the ridiculousness of someone’s opinions, etc).
So I told my Dad, Davido knows what he said; he definitely has the money (what was I thinking?? I don’t know Davido but I know he is not broke).
So my Dad was like okay o! Flash forward to last week.
My Dad was listening to the song again and two men walked into our shop; they wanted to type some letters and do some printings and somehow, the 30 billion conversation came up and this man said Davido did not even know what 30 billion is, he was merely singing.
I didn’t talk.
Dad was like thank you o! these children are about to make me feel like I don’t know what I’m saying.
The man proceeded and said, Davido does not even know what 1 billion is.
Mehn! I was irritated. What’s my own àbí? Is Davido my Uncle? ?
You know, I was almost trying to reason with him with the mathematical breakdown of how many million makes 30 billion until he said dude doesn’t even know what a billion looks like.
I was giving it to the man straight and hot. Now, I wasn’t arguing about Davido’s 30 billion and 1 billion.
The man was like that’s a whole budget of a country/state
And I was like so you’re telling me that there are no artistes outside the country who has more than a state could own with their assets and investments total?
The other man was looking at me . . .
Then he said you seemed to be in the know a lot in these things!
The other man said she did Art!
Then he said oh! I see. Well then, did you know Davido’s friends died recently. . .
I was quick to tell him the name of the guy who died (I was trying to tell him, I may not be listening to all those songs but I know all those shii)
Then he relayed another version of the story says it was a bet of 200k that got the guy to overdose on 30 shots of whatever and those guys don’t have nothing.
Then I told him so a guy can’t want to have money he didn’t work for again! It’s a normal stuff to be in company of your guys and there’s a free money around and you be like guys, I’m up for it! Let’s do it!
From the conversation, I could tell it was no longer about Davido again.
I told him so it’s unrealistic that a musician who works his ass off in the studio making music, trying on beats, releasing hit tracks, being recognized internationally and having a sold out 30 billion concert can’t have 30 billion or even a billion?
He didn’t say anything.
Then I completed my sentence. I said if it were to be a Doctor or a Nurse who boasted of 30 billion, you aint gonna argue that cos he’s probably got United Nations and all paying him in dollars cos science is that lucrative and art cant just give that much. (yes, I was pissed).
That was the end of the conversation.
I no longer care if those guys have that much or not, I care how demeaning he thinks of Creatives.
The man left saying I should have studied Law cos I’d be one badass Annalise Keating (without the dirt I hope) well, I get that a lot!
Then I remembered something that happened to me during that week. It was on a Sunday and I had been in the Northern part of Nigeria for a long time and a lot of things had changed getting back home like we now have a new Pastor. So, my Dad introduced me to this man when he asked if I was one of my father’s children. The conversation was like this Pastor – So you’ve been in the North all these while? Me – Yes Sir. Kebbi precisely. Pastor – Oh! I know that place. We were in Jos before we got transferred here. Me – Oh okay! Pastor – So what did you study? Me – English Sir. Pastor – English? You want to become a Teacher too (my parents are teachers) I wanted to tell him I didn’t do Education; just Art – so I don’t have to be a Teacher if I don’t want to be but I kept quiet. Pastor – So what next?
Popc be like she wants to do her masters (Nigerian parents can make your eyes see nonsense) Pastor – In what? Me – Literature Sir. Pastor – Ah! All those courses are not lucrative! The money is in sciences. Science is dignifying.
Jesus! I felt insulted (let me just stop the conversation there).
. . . See, overtime, Art has been one of the most insulted and spited field in Nigeria and overtime, we’ve witnessed quite a lot of acceptance and a number of growth and acknowledgement but it is still gross and sad that there is still a high number of Nigerians who still look at Art through the disgusted and poverty-ridden eye.
It is more like you have to be poverty-minded to want to end up in Art when you could study a science related course. It doesn’t matter what aspects of Art; all that matters is you just can’t be serious about choosing Art over Science.
Although with the advent of technology, social media, spike in Nigerian literature growth and recognition, visual arts/paintings, some parents no longer try to influence their children’s decision as it concerns their career choice. They can only advice not enforce or influence which is the usual average Nigerian way. My parents tried influencing mine but that’s a story for another day.
The point is, in Nigeria, a student with reasonable grades or excellence in Science related subjects is considered a good candidate for Science Department while the not-so-good ones are pushed to Art and the not-so-average ones are pushed into the commercials. So yea, it is believed that dull students are in the Arts Department but now, thinking about it, you gotta be smart to function in Art (you gotta be really smart, creative and sensitive to opportunities and your creative nudge to be Oprah, Ellen DeGeneres, Ellis Tracie Ross, Stevie Wonder, Prince, Keke, Queen Latifa, Chinua Achebe, Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, Jojo Moyes, etc.) but in Nigeria they tend to call the shots for you (at least back then – and still now sometimes), my parents tried doing it for me 7 years ago.
The school chooses career path for you by grades, convinces your parents or your parents convinces you (thankfully the school thinks their way) and they encourage you with the tempting financial benefits of Science – medicine, nursing, (those two especially), engineering, technology, etc.
An average Nigerian parent would say if A can do it, you can do it too! Science is not that hard! Science sells! A science graduate is never jobless. If you do nursing, medicine, international organizations will always be on the lookout for you! In fact, they’d be trying to steal you from one firm to the other plus extra spiritual nuances (prophecies and all).
My parents told me some of those things.
That’s why we tend to find instances of personalities running away from Science into Arts because they wanted to do what they wanted to do and not what their parents wanted them to do (e.g. Adichie, Fela Anikulapo Kuti, etc.)
… Pressured by social and familial expectations, Adichie ‘did what I was supposed to do’ and began to study medicine at the University of Nigeria. After a year and a half, she decided to pursue her ambitions as a writer, dropped out of medical school and took up a communication scholarship in the US… curled from The heroine collective.
… He attended the Abeokuta Grammar School in Abeokuta and later he was sent to London in 1958 to study medicine but decided to study music instead at the Trinity College of Music, the trumpet being his preferred instrument. While there, he formed the band Koola Lobitos, playing a fusion of jazz and highlife. curled from Vanguard Nigeria
and also there are instances of people who satisfied their parents first and later went on to do their dang thing (more like, Parents wanted A to study Aviation and A did and after that, A knew he was never gonna practice, so A went back to school to study Journalism that he had always wanted). Those people are the real MVPs; maybe that would have been my case but it didn’t. I fought my way early and for now, I can say I’m the only Art person in my family; 3 of my sisters are into science and are doing well for themselves and sometimes I do get the jabs (more like I wasted my smartness on Art instead of Science) but it’s cool, I love what I do and I’m hopeful about my career path. I believe in it! And you know what, I can never be poor! (my declaration in Bishop Oyedepo‘s voice)
So guys, there is still a level of hostility, segregation, bias and racism towards Art in favour of Science but I hope that with time, we would have a Nigeria where parents in their bid to help their child aim for a secured future don’t make them waste some years on satisfying them.
I hope that with time, Nigerian parents would fully come to the realization that sometimes, what a child needs is guidance and not enforcement; that people can live a very frustrated life and become depressed doing a job they don’t enjoy even if the cash flows ceaselessly.
I hope they understand that most of the time, what a child needs is a little bit of faith that he/she could make the right choice and when it feels low along the way, encouragement, believing in them and meeting their career needs is all the incentive they need.
Working a job you enjoy is an essential factor that helps in living a fulfilled life and when a person does what he/she enjoys, it doesn’t feel like job but more like living!
Sometimes we can become scared of poverty that we plunge into a path that leads to quick rich that we don’t enjoy because the path feels like stress.
Wealth is not measured by how much but how worth mentally and intellectually.
A smart mind is never poor! Intellect is a life assurance. ~ Ìbùkúnwrites
Let’s not give our children a yardstick of success and wealth to aspire to because the society dictates it that way!
Let our children grow through the process of believing in what they go after! Let them decide their own yardstick of wealth. Let them decide when it is enough and when there is more to chase! Let them realize that happiness comes most time from being satisfied with what you do cos what you do leads to what you have and you can have more if you want more!
No career choice is limiting, only you can limit you! ~ Ìbùkúnwrites
Your potential is a great asset! Let’s encourage our children on whatever they want to do so far it is noble!
Some parents can identify their children’s flare at a very young age but would choose not to encourage it because it is not just financially secured. They’d choose to buy him/her Anatomy Jane (Grey’s anatomy ?) when what he/she needs is lots and lots of literature texts.
Choose always, the happiness and fulfillment of your child over his/her financial gains. There is a thing called frustrating wealth. ~ Ìbùkúnwrites
That’ll be all today! Hope you picked one or two things. PS: apologies for the long post without an heads up ? Do you have a Nigerian parent story about your career choice? Heard any? Noticed the disparity between Art and Science? Do share in the comment section!
Xoxo Ìbùkúnwrites ❣️
When you gaze upon the lovely sight. Of twins, arm in arm, asleep at night. Think not that the house has been doubly messed. But that you, as parents, have been doubly blessed. ~ Jon Bratton
Today, I’m out to take us on a very intimate and exciting trip to a place called Ibarapa Local Governments in Oyo State, Nigeria. Well, for one, this topic is not something I’m new to but it’s something that came to me in a very different light and most importantly, I hope to intimate my non-Nigerian readers with some of the non-prominent cultures and beliefs of the Nigerian people in the Yoruba region. Also, this post speaks for all Ibarapa Local Government Areas. Let me say, there is no South; I know everything that has North probably has South like my father’s place, Abeokuta (there is the North, South Local Governments) but this is what makes Ibarapa kinda unique; they only have Ibarapa Central and Ibarapa East Eruwa Local Governments.
So who are the Ibarapa people? I’m not going to do so much history but according to Wikipedia,The Ibarapas are a Yoruba group of people located in the Southwestern corner of Oyo State. The name of the group is derived from a local cultivar of the melon plant, locally known as Egusi Ibara,(Ive seen it and peeled it; quite different from the common egusi) which was historically acknowledged by neighboring towns like the Egbas, Ibadans, Oyo, etc.
As at 2011, they have a population of 400,000 people. Ibarapa North has 118,880 people. Ibarapa Central has 122,370 while Ibarapa East has 138,900 (they are regions with significant populations in Oyo State. They are mostly Muslims, Christians and the Yoruba traditional worshippers.
Furthermore, The Ibarapas are fondly hailed as Ibarapa mejeeje(The Seven Ibarapas) and this is due to the fact that Ibarapa land is traditionally made up of 7 principal towns with their surrounding villages and farmsteads and these towns are Igangan (my mum is from here), Eruwa, Aiyete, Tapa, Idere, Igbo-ora and Lanlate. Igangan, Tapa and Aiyete are in the Northern Part of Ibarapa while Idere and Igbo-ora are in the Central part of Ibarapa with Lanlate and Eruwa located in the Ibarapa East Local Government.
Plus, the Ibarapa people have a thing for tribal marks and also there is a unique intonation that comes with their Yoruba speaking (it’s really amusing) especially if you were born and practically raised there till forever. My mum don’t but some of my Uncles do and my Dad imitates them a lot whenever he is amongst his in laws and they find it funny that he tends to make jokes out of it. Trust me, it can be really funny but the intonation is like or is exactly the way a popular Yoruba actor by the name Afeez Owo speaks. Afeez Owo is Actress Mide Martins husband (google can help). If you’ve heard him speak before, you’d have an idea of what it sounds like.
Again, they have beautiful rocks in that place! The moment you begin your journey to the land, you’re dazed with beautiful sights of rocks as the car moves. They have one of the most beautiful and magnificent rocks and hills I’ve seen anywhere followed by Idanre/Ondo.
When next I visit, I’d get pictures; lots of them (travelled those places when I was without a better phone). Clears throat! Where are we headed?
A few weeks back, I came across a post by Sisi Yemmie on Instagram where she talked about making a lot of recipes out of Yam because she desired Twins and she heard consuming a lot of Yam can help achieve that! I was like okay! Then I went into the comment section and mehn, it was 85% affirmation that Yam does help with giving birth to twins and I was like my Biology Teacher forgot to mention that but what was I thinking, Science don’t buy superstitions or environmental beliefs.
So, I said okay. . . then there were these comments that got me holding up. Some people were like it’s true but these yams are special yams found in Oyo State, Ibarapa precisely. I was like are you for real! I’m gonna be right back!???? You’re probably thinking what’s up?
First, I have a thing for twins! Especially the identical ones; quite intriguing and interesting! I love mystery a little – so I love how identical twins make you wonder and think and puzzled. Generally, I love twins! Be it boy and girl, girl and girl, boy and boy!
Second, my mum is from a town called Igangan in Ibarapa North Local Government side of Oyo State (you can tell from the gist up there) and we’ve got a lot of twins in my maternal family and I was beginning to wonder, is it really true? Does Yam have anything to do with it? Is it true there’s a special yam? Cos I was just here thinking it’s more biological; those zygotes breaking into whatever. Mehn, I gotta ask my mum.
So I walked up to my mum and I was like I read this, is it true? And she was like well, maybe! Ok! Then she went ahead to explain to me that it’s possible there is a special yam you can only find in that part of Oyo State.
Well, the point is, she affirmed it and also credited Biology for what is worth. So I sat down and I begin to think and I couldn’t but agree more to a fault.
Well, I’m not superstitious and I’m not more about beliefs but there are facts and I go with that. What do I mean? I started thinking about things that never really occurred to me to think about it beyond the surface level What are the facts?
1. There was a theory dated 60s and this theory can be traced back to Professor PPS Nylander; an Obstetrician and Gynaecologist who conducted a series of research on the phenomenon of twinning and multiple birth in Ibarapa district of Oyo State (and that includes the three Local Government Areas) and he discovered that this Yoruba people had the highest twinning rates in the world (yes!) (45.1 per 1000 live births) and the twins were usually of the fraternal type (dizygotic -unidentical) which means the women were having multiple ovulations/egg releases in their menstrual cycle which he said could have been triggered by environmental factors and he finally suggested that these factors might be in the local yam being consumed by the people in the area.Wawuuuuu!!!
Now, to the local Yam! Ibarapa people do not eat yam like that; I mean boiled yam; roasted yam; pounded yam, but they eat one thing tirelessly; it’s called. . .
2. Black Amala (Amala dudu); a kind of swallow in Nigeria and a typical Oyo State meal and trust me, it’s my mother’s meal. We eat this thing like forever! Well, I’m an eba eater anyway but I eat amala dudu as well. So, my point is, we don’t really eat pounded yam even same goes for boiled yam but it occurred to me that we do eat yam a lot (I mean we eat a lot of black amala which is made from the back of yam – scraped, washed, sun dried and grinded). And the part that is tricky the most is, my mum buys most of the flour from her place, Igangan! So yes, we have been feeding on that yam ?. My mum is a pro with black amala flour. She knows the one that is fake or not, good not good, so she trusts the one from her place (or has my momma been grooming us for twins??).
2. Where my mum comes from, I can categorically tell you that in a family (nuclear plus extended or minus), you can find up to 8 Taiwos and Kehindes in one house (I’m not exaggerating). Before the yam thing started, I like to think that it was more genetic, so I believed that if I don’t give birth to twins, one of my sisters is bound to give birth to one (I have 4 of them; no brothers) and that ideology was based on the trend in her family.
Let me explain better.
My mum’s mom is a twin (never met her) and she gave birth to a lot (in Yoruba land, we believe it’s not right to count children) and in that lot was my mum followed by twin brothers who are dang identical (I can’t tell Uncle Taiwo from Uncle Kehinde; my mum does that job pretty well) and these Uncles of mine who are twins gave birth to twins separately (like Uncle Taiwo gave birth to twins and Uncle Kehinde gave birth to twins too) and there is another Uncle of mine who gave birth to twins twice and another who I’d like to call Uncle X; he’s better known with one of his sons name; let me just call him Uncle X. So when I was like 8, I could remember having cousins that were twins (a boy and a girl) who were from Uncle X and lately, I was asking my mum about the twins and she told me that the Taiwo (a girl) had given birth and she gave birth to twins and one of her twins already gave birth to another set of twins (mehn! I gave up right there) ‘cause believe me, in my momma’s side, I don’t really know my cousins that much because one minute you’re meeting one who looks like the other and you hear things like Taye kekere, kehinde agba (meaning small Taiwo, Big Kehinde), all in the bid to separate them but they had to start calling them with their father’s sons name when it became much. So you’d hear things like Taye Baba X (Taiwo of Daddy X) and when that man has two Taiwos, you’d hear something like Taye Agba Baba X(Senior Taiwo of Daddy X).
I have never found it creepy; it’s amazing and interesting to me. And all of these is still in my mother’s nuclear family, now imagine me stepping into the Great Aunts, Great Uncles who are still alive, that’s another story cos I know like two of those Great Aunt’s children (yea, different surname cos they married) who were twins. . . and these Great Aunts were twins themselves.
It is what you read when you don’t have to that determines what you will be when you can’t help it. ~ Oscar Wilde.
Last year, I started a pattern of book reviews here but I couldn’t go through with them for long till I went on that long hiatus but being a person who’s quite engaged in a lot of writings, I’ve decided to be very conscious of my reading life. Related:Dangerous PassionThe Type. We carry the sky
Let me just say this, I’m an avid reader but trust me, it’s possible not to pick a book to read in one month or probably pick a book to read and not finish until forever because of some writing commitments – that’s just me being ?.
A Writer is a Reader.
In that regards, I’ve decided to do what’s called a 2018 Reading Plan where I’d be reading a total of 50 books. I love round figures. It’s quite easy to say 52 after all there are 52 weeks in the year but mehn, who’s counting! I’m not trying to impress anyone; I’m just trying to be accountable for my reading life! I don’t need it to just bloom; I need it blooming (continuously). So how am I going to do it?
Well, I’ve seen quite a lot of reading plans and then it has too much routine and rules and believe me, I’m quite a rule breaker, I don’t do so much with them. I can’t afford to read a book by letter, by history, by author, etc. It’s cool ‘cause I probably might use some of those factors in picking any book to read but not like I’m conditioned to do that for a particular month/week (I’m not trying to criticise people who do it, I’m just trying to explain my own hesitation about that style). It’s going to be quite random for me – I’m quite spontaneous; I pick whichever attracts me (Nigerian, African, Foreign, Memoir, Fiction, Poetry, Spiritual, etc.) and that could be based on personal recommendation, reviews read, affection for a particular author, etc.
Also, I’m not doing a number per month; I’m gonna be very intentional by making sure it’s 50! But yea, I could set a goal limit for each month like at least 3 books per month (as check and balance).
It’s better to exceed your reading goals than to fall short. So, have I started?
Yes. I have. Read two books already in January; presently on my third; that’s like (-3+50) for me and I’m gonna be reviewing one of them today!?
Drum rolls! Title: The Last Black Unicorn Genre: Memoir/Autobiography Author: Tiffany Haddish Publisher: Gallery Books (Simon and Schuster) Year of Publication: 2017 Number of Pages: 373 (my ebook reader version) ISBN: 978-1-5011-8184-9 A little history!
That picture up there is dated August, 2017! Yea, that was me hanging out in Abuja with two of my favourite persons during my work holiday. I was meeting the two of them for the first time after a long time of online friendship and call relationship.
So, it happened that we decided to go see a movie at Jabbi Mall and that movie was Girls Trip. More like, me and my girls were hooking up after a long time of never seeing and we were there to see a movie about four girls who were reuniting after a long time of separation (The Flossy Possy) – I’m not here to review the movie? (lemme fall back in line).
Should have reviewed that movie since last year but I know many of y’all probably would have seen it but I’m still gonna put up a review for my opinion’s sake and for blog’s sake. ?. . . Why the history?
The history is to help you understand my drive behind reading that book up there. For me, and for everyone out there that saw the movie, I want to believe Tiffany Haddish blew their mind! As in, she was like the highlight of it all and I was like, how come I’ve never heard of this woman until now? What kind of movies have I been seeing? . . . But you know what; I saw that movie twice at the Cinema. . . What!!!? Yea!
First, I didn’t go see it again cos I was obsessed with (eyes rolling) it but I had another date with one of my friends (Yetunde) working in Abuja to go see a movie and when we got there, we wanted to see something else that was unfortunately not shown at the Silverbird Cinema but Girls Trip was just starting and she had wanted to see it, so I had to pretend as if I hadn’t seen it so my friend could see it (I just couldn’t deprive her of laughing it all out by deciding to see something else you know) but guess what, I was a terrible actor? and my friend could tell I had seen the movie before.
You know that moment you try to laugh extra hard or you’re under-laughing and that shoot-yourself-in-the-leg moment when you’re carelessly giving spoilers for the next scene and she be looking at you and the spirit of God be telling her, check that girl well, she been here before???!
Now, the sold out moment was when we were walking out and we bumped into my friend that I had come to Abuja to meet (Debs) with Seyifunmi (another friend of hers I had met) they were on ‘after work shopping’ and by the way, Debs had met Yetunde before that day and she knew I was out with her and she was like what movie did you guys see and Yetunde replied Girls Trip and Debs just sold me out, and she be like Ibukun, you saw that movie again?
And Yetunde that took me out was like ehn ehn, I was sensing it. Gosh! She was like you could have told me, we would have seen something else since the outing was about me; but I was trying to make sure she didn’t have to make that sacrifice. I had seen the movie, I loved it and she hasn’t and she’s quite a busy person, she may never have the time! so why not see it again on my part?
Anyways, back to the book.
I knew I was gonna feed on anything Tiffany Haddish from that cinema moment. I fell in love right there watching Girls Trip and saying she got my heart was an understatement. She was dang hilarious and funny and you know what, I had to online track her??. In my mind, I was like Girl, you’ve got a diehard fan in me. . . So, I followed her on Instagram (I do that a lot when I fall in love with someone’s personality).
Fortunately afterwards, the movie apparently sold out and yea, it’s time the world gotta know Tiffany Motherfucking Haddish (sorry, that was how she put it in the book). So, she wrote a book and I knew I was gonna be reading it. I have a thing for nonfictions a lot! It’s a type of literature I practically live for. So, what should you expect reading The Last Black Unicorn?
1. This is Tiffany Haddish very vulnerable and bare to the whole world. You know, vulnerability is a big deal. It takes strength and a lot of freedom in who you are and acceptance of all that you are and believing all that matters is the way you and God alone sees you! So it doesn’t matter who has an opinion or who is trying to make his/her opinion counts.
2. This book is raw (like undiluted), deep and hilarious. I mean, this is gonna make you laugh really hard (you better not be reading this when your grandmamma is at home and she’s gonna be hearing you laugh hard cos you gonna keep getting the girl! Are you alright? Check). Truthfully, I expected her writing style (very comic) ‘cause I was consciously reading with her personality in my head that it became pretty easy for me to laugh really hard at some things (like I was imagining Dina from Girls Trip talking to me). She had her voice written all over the narrative. . . she would make you laugh even at the painful things.
3. Most importantly, this book is not a comic book. It’s a painstakingly narrated story of struggles, joy and pain especially through the eye of comedy. Tiffany Haddish lived a hard life – a very rough and traumatized childhood, serial relationship pains, abuse, domestic violence, divorcing the same man twice, fighting through a men-dominated comedy world as a woman and becoming a Hollywood hit girl.
4. Trust me, this book is a lot!!! Favourites: My favourite parts were where she talked about Roscoe; a character with a physical challenge (it was very inspiring to me – I didn’t find it offensive at all; she handled the sensitivity very well as far I’m concerned). Also, I love the part where she talked about being friends with Jada, hanging out with Jada and Will Smith; meeting the Queen of Soul, Mary J. Blige and how she handled her success when people who had rejected her started calling after Girls Trip became a box office hit (trust me, I was literally smiling at that point. I could imagine that feeling of being wanted by the ones who had rejected you and make you feel like some shitty holes down the drainage).
Reservations: In all fairness, I really do not have any. Of course, it is normal that people would crave for more depth when it comes to truth-telling especially (memoirs, autobiography, biography, etc.) but I like to put it at the back of my mind that a person’s story is theirs to own which includes, how they tell it, what they tell and what they hold back. For me, this is a truth well told for someone who is a Comedian and an Actor! Tiffany is not only hilarious but also a great story and truth teller. In the book, she mentioned that after breaking things off with Roscoe, he disappeared and no one knows where he is till date – a part of me did wish he is still alive somewhere. Rating: 9.0 out of 10. Extra: I just want to say thank you to Tiffany Haddish for sharing her truth with the whole world! It takes strength and love to see others being free to accept who they are to do that. Also, her success is well deserved and admirable. She’s one heaven of a fighter. PS: Everyone should really read this book and it is important to say that there are lots of lessons to pick, so, don’t get carried away with the comic telling and yea, this book has an audio version; I can tell it’s gonna be fire and smoke altogether!
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Everyone should have a strong and very active reading culture. It has nothing to do with being a Writer or not! It has everything to do with overall self development.
Halllllowwww fabulous readers! Welcome to the weekend and y’all know what the weekend is all about! Reviews!
I’ve been away for some time and first, I have to thank the terrible Glo Network for that and in fact, I have decided that after this sub finishes, no more Glo! Where’s the pride when the network slows instead of glows? ?
Second, it was my birthday last week and it was a rollercoaster of emotions. Even though I had to work that day, I still managed to take some selfies. It was a very rough and traumatic old year but thank God that above all, I am what I am by His Grace?.
So, three weeks ago, I received a parcel of books from a fellow Writer and a Sister as healing gifts all the way from NY and this parcel had a total of 13 books in it and I can categorically say that 4 books are down outta of 13! And I want to use this medium again to say a very big thank you to Oyindamola Shoola for this very rare and kind gesture. There is one thing I always say, friends who invest in your healing are keepers.
Having established that, I’ve also decided to do a review of each of these books and today, I’m starting with Sarah Kay’s The Type! Title: The Type Genre: Poetry Author: Sarah Kay Publisher: Hachette books Year of Publication: 2016 Number of Pages: 23 ISBN: 978-0-316-38660-9
This particular book is all about identity and taking control of it.
Sarah Kay emphasizes that the choice to be defined solely belongs to her alone If you grow up the type of woman
men want to look at
You can let them look at you.
. . . and never up to another person. She simply says that the definition of the woman should not be looked at through the eye of the man.
Do not spend time wondering if you are
The type of woman men will hurt
This poetry is a clarion call, an awakening addressing a social topic of women objectification and stereotyping, sexuality and gender equality.
This is a call to the woman to defy the pattern and create what her definition of right, wrong and limitation is.
It is hard to stop loving the ocean
Even after it has left you gasping, salty.
Forgive yourself for the decisions you have
the ones you still call
mistakes when you tuck them in at night. . .
Let the statues crumble
You have always been the place
If anyone had told me I would share something related to suicide this week, I would say No. Last week Sunday, I read a story of an OAU Student who committed suicide by mixing battery liquid with rat poison because she got an E in CHM 101.
It was very sad to stomach and it made me remember some of my breaking moments in OAU – I had to do an unplanned digging and looking into that time of my life and all I could do is thank God.
I have been acutely depressed and have battled suicidal thoughts – there are days when ending it would feel like the needed thing to do and most times, there are moments when I don’t know how to feel anything else but gloominess; days I can’t account for what I feel and why I feel that way and on these days, I sometimes allow myself to feel these things and some other days, I take charge of my mind, my thoughts and choose life.
Suffice it to say that so many people are going through that right now in a country like Nigeria where we don’t believe in mental health awareness and the presence and realness of depression. I’ve learnt a lot over the past years about depression and suicide and the following are things I’ve identified; 1. People who commit suicide really do not want to die. As complicated as this might seem, it is the truth. A lot of things causes depression and suicides are end results of lost battles of chronic depression. A person suffering from a chronic case of depression is bound to have the illusion that death is the solution to the issue that drove him/her to be depressed and not because he/she really wants to die. Most times, it’s a cry for help and when it feels like no one sees or listens, they are driven to the point where they take their own life. The essence of living is lost, the thirst for ambition is not there and sometimes it feels like living is not for them, life hates them and their presence is a burden to the world, friends and families. One thing I am sure of is, as much as it is easy to call people who have taken their own life cowards, I think it takes a great deal of tiredness to shut all of one’s mind and take one’s life in whatever forms of suicide – trust me, I’ve seen people go through health pain and die but imagining the anguish and suffering that happens when someone intentionally takes his/her own life by swallowing something or tying the rope; I can’t bring myself to imagine it. 2. Even the tiniest thing especially triggers can lead to depression and then suicide. I suffered depression at a point in time but I never knew it was called depression as at that time and it wasn’t that fore-grounded because it wasn’t acute or let me just say I pulled through by God’s help ‘cause depression wouldn’t really be one of my issues if i was to itemize but I went through it and not once have I been suicidal through those years (never really considered taking my own life) until recently when I had a trigger and yes, there were times when I felt like I should just end it. Boy, I was acutely depressed. I would feel like he/she is right, you’re better off dead! But the truth remains that I could never have had the guts to take my own life. It was all felt and never planned (what should I employ in ending it) nor attempted but the truth is, I’m just one of those few cases and the people who took their own lives never thought they could do that either. My point, there is bound to be a more catastrophic and pronounced depression that could be suicidal if there’s a trigger of what was survived. It could be loss (person, job, marriage, repeated mistake, cycles, etc.) or could be unhappiness, pressure from within and without. 3.Not every depression/suicidal thought was hidden. There is this thing people say about not knowing or there is nothing they could have done because the depressed person didn’t look it neither did he/she displayed signs of being depressed. Well, as much as it is true that so many people battling depression do quite a good job at masking it, it’s not true in all cases. In some cases, someone was able to pick it – someone was able to see beyond the act and sense a little bit of imbalance in the emotions and mental stability but they didn’t do anything about it because felt they could be wrong or the person might not want their privacy infringed on or better still they felt there’s nothing they could do to help and these assumptions have caused us so many lives we could have saved if only we decided to break through their walls or follow our guts/inclinations. 4.Anyone can help. Yes, anyone can help so far you’re not insensitive in words, action and attitude. There isn’t so much required in helping a depressed person through their struggle that anyone don’t have and can’t afford. We all have love and can afford it unless we don’t want to show it.
Can I just say that apart from the fact a man is entitled to his opinions, some of y’all social media Judges need to take a chill pill and calm down with the Timi Dakolo lashing out. . . #mansgotpoints!
Two days ago, I woke up and had read one of these gist on Instablog9ja about marriage (Tonto Dikeh’s) and I was so sad because number one, it felt like the issue wasn’t going anywhere soon and two, like how do we get to the place of hating so passionately what we once loved, protected, defended and sacrificed for so passionately? And then I realized that sometimes, maybe it takes feeling deserving and accepting of shits and abuse to discover that we don’t truly deserve what we take and settle for, but there is a level of anger that comes with abuse which lingers on for a long time till healing is done.
I’m not saying that is how we get to the place of hate. . . I’m saying sometimes it could be a reason; knowing you fought so hard and even had to lie just to show how much you ‘love’ only to realize the other person placed no value on you can hurt as hell which takes me back to the part where I had to write this
. and most importantly, seeing Timi Dakolo’s post yesterday about marriage literary confirmed what I had said.
The man was just trying to point out the obvious truth everyone has been trying not to come to terms with that divorce is now kinda the new cool stressing emphatically that marriage is for two complete adults and as much as divorces happen (especially for reasons like domestic violence, abuse etc.) no one should ever enter a marriage without their complete self; marriage doesn’t make an incomplete person complete! Don’t enter marriage thinking it’d fix whatever pain you were unable to fix from your single days. Let it not be that you didn’t fight for your marriage – you didn’t give it a benefit of doubt that it could survive the challenges you both are facing. You just don’t get to walk out at every opportunity without working it out because it just seems like this generation is a generation that would rather not consider other options but speak of divorce first!
I think a lot of times, some of us had found ourselves trying so much to work out a dating relationship too many times and at the end of the day had to walk out of and by so doing, we probably got tired of trying to work things out because it always seemed to end dissolved. It scares me seeing two people who once lovingly held hands now sitting miles apart in a courtroom and can’t even afford to look each other in the eye. . . sometimes it becomes so messy that children are brought in to help corroborate in taking the other person down. . .smh!
As much as #mansgotpoints! The reaction he got from people like Toni Payne is another angle that I, Ebukun Gbemisola Ogunyemi will never handle lightly. I totally agree with her that no one goes to the altar to say I do just for the fun of it only to come out months or years later to declare he/she doesn’t!
Someone left a comment on instablog9ja and I was so impressed with her reasoning. See ehn, People divorce sometimes not because they didn’t consider other options that included losing themselves, sacrificing their desires, faking it, keeping a public eye and appearance, etc. just to make it work and in a society where we feel a married woman is more honourable than a woman who walked out of her marriage, we’ll do anything not to lose our reputation with the society and when it now backfires (death, disease, public shaming, etc.) the same society is still the one to say why did she do that to herself? If there is anything I have learnt, the society don’t always care for his own! He ain’t got your back – Always leaving you to dry, so if you wanna live long, with a happy and fulfilled life, don’t let the society make the damn rules for you! I, Ebukun Gbemisola Ogunyemi will never tell a woman to stay in a marriage/relationship that threatens her sanity. I’ve seen a woman whose mental-problem story was that she caught her husband with another woman and she just went mad like that. . . marriage shouldn’t make you insane, it should never make you a bad and hurtful version of yourself! It should never be the reason you lose your vigour, it should never be the reason you become a liar. . . that’s a selfish union, it’s no longer the coming together of two people but one person still becoming one or on the verge of being half.
A very quick one sef, marriage is not for everyone! And it’s Biblical.
We’ll save ourselves a lot of problems if the society stop trying to make a married woman out of every woman! To marry is not a choice the society should make for the woman; it is her own decision to make! Not everyone is cut out for marriage. You can prepare a child for examination for all you care, he can decide to write or not to write it! That’s the way preparing girls for marriage seems like to me. . . the woman doesn’t owe this goddamn society marriage! The society should stop trying to make the woman feel like a weirdo for not wanting marriage. . .
Okay guys. . . before I start this review proper, I just wanna ask have you ever read a book that is this sexual and you say to yourself the author of this book better be getting this much in real life cos mehn. . . if not, I’d wanna ask her how she survived the torture of writing this e-Spartacus???? (like for reals mehn! But you know the funniest thing, I never saw Spartacus – don’t even know if it’s a movie or a series but I knew it has this sexual appeal that comes with it when people talk about it???). . . Moving on. . .
A very quick and sincere apology for the delay of this review. . . a lot is going on in the offline world and albeit the lot, girl’s gotta keep it all running and moving!? Strutting real quick back to Dangerous Passion!
I don’t do romance (it’s always silly to me) but not since I started reading Tomi from the days of 360nobs to reading The Reunion last year. If you’re one of the people who still find it difficult to believe Tomi as a Writer is in a class of her own, then you need to get your ass ASAP to okadabooks.com and read this particular book in review.
Dangerous Passion is an orgasmic and suspense-filled narrative enclosed in secrets, mysteries, twist and turns, crime, passion, friendship, ego-defying attraction, lots of sex, betrayal, defiance, loss and most importantly love. It is a tale that could never have been written any better! This is where passion births love and love breaks secrets; it’s a story of inconvenient love.